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TPO 31 - Question 1Parents need to make sure their children lead healthy lives. What can parents do to help their children have healthy lifestyles? v.1

TPO 31 - Question 1Parents need to make sure their children lead healthy lives. What can parents do to help their children have healthy lifestyles? v. 1
The contemporary world, unlike the past, is occupied with a multitude of options. From food and clothing to education and career, people have a vast abundance of choices. In my opinion, I totally agree that people in present world have a lot more options in daily life tasks in comparison to their ancestors. The major reason for these many diverse choices is the introduction of a growing population of brands and bloom of industry, from local to international market, which has provided people with numerous choices. Nowadays, there are multiple shops for one product. For instance, to buy a piece of clothing like a shirt, there are thousands of brands available online as well as in local shopping malls, which will display an abundance of variety to be selected. Furthermore, as the world is becoming a global village, there are hundreds of brands which have their branches in different countries around the world and thus, providing diverse options. This diversity does not only stop at food and clothings, but it is extended to every life decision from education to career selection. Although there were certain education courses and jobs in the past too, but now, many universities have started to specialise in technical courses and peculiar fields for certain jobs, which has led people to varied number of choices related to education and work. In conclusion, introduction of diversified options and choices have not only created significant job opportunities, but it has also provided diversity in every product. I believe that in future, many such positive changes will take place and will keep on modifying this world for better.
The contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, unlike the past,
is occupied
with a multitude of options. From food and clothing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and career,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a vast abundance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
. In my opinion, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
have a lot more options in daily life tasks
in comparison
to their ancestors.

The major reason for these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
is the introduction of a growing population of brands and bloom of industry, from local to international market, which has provided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
. Nowadays, there are multiple shops for one product.
For instance
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a piece of clothing like a shirt, there are thousands of brands available online
as well
as in local shopping malls, which will display an abundance of variety to
be selected
.
Furthermore
, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is becoming a global village, there are hundreds of brands which have their branches in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and
thus
, providing diverse options.

This
You are missing the word "of" between "diversity" and "does". Did you mean "diversity of does" or "diverse does"?
diversity does
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
at food and
Possible spelling mistake found.
clothings
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
is extended
to every life decision from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to career selection. Although there were certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
courses and jobs in the past too,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
universities have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialise' is British English.
specialise
in technical courses and peculiar fields for certain jobs, which has led
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to varied number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and work.

In conclusion
, introduction of diversified options and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
created significant job opportunities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has
also
provided diversity in every product. I believe that
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
will take place and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on modifying this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
for better.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay TPO 31 - Question 1Parents need to make sure their children lead healthy lives. What can parents do to help their children have healthy lifestyles? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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