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1055 in some places people spend a lot of money on parties that celebrate special family events. is this ever true in your country? do you think this is a good trend? v.1

1055 in some places people spend a lot of money on parties that celebrate special family events. is this ever true in your country? do you think this is a good trend? v. 1
While one half of the population thinks people who work in the creative arts should have unlimited liberty, the other half believes that their freedom should be limited. I strongly agree with the idea that their liberty should be limited. Because limitless freedom can harm the society in many ways. To begin with, the artwork is a powerful tool which has a considerable influence on society. So, in order to maintain peace and well being of the people, it is important to have some restrictions on creative work. For example, if the artwork represents negativity such as hatred, it should not be published because It might stir violence among the communities. Secondly, total freedom when used with wrong intent, can cause significant damage to individuals too. The Artist’s representation of an idea has often been far from the truth. But it is taken by the viewers as a completely true depiction, which causes confusion and damage. For example, films made with an intent to tarnish the personal image of a person should not be allowed in the society. Although few people feel that artists should be allowed absolute privileges, having some rules and regulations in place gives them fair empowerment. In turn, this makes them more cautious and responsible, so that they do not misuse the power they hold. In conclusion, greater freedom comes with greater responsibility. It is impossible to ensure the responsibility without rules and regulations. Hence, the creators need some set standards and guidelines to help them create socially responsible creations.
While one half of the population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who work in the creative arts should have unlimited liberty, the other half believes that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
should
be limited
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that their liberty should
be limited
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
limitless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
can harm the society in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the artwork is a powerful tool which has a considerable influence on society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in order to maintain peace and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
restrictions on creative work.
For example
, if the artwork represents negativity such as hatred, it should not
be published
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
It might stir violence among the communities.

Secondly
, total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
intent, can cause significant damage to individuals too. The Artist’s representation of an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
been far from the truth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it
is taken
by the viewers as a completely true depiction, which causes confusion and damage.
For example
, films made with an intent to tarnish the personal image of a person should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
in the society.

Although few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that artists should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
absolute privileges, having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations in place gives them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
empowerment. In turn, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more cautious and responsible,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not misuse the power they hold.

In conclusion
, greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with greater responsibility. It is impossible to ensure the responsibility without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations.
Hence
, the creators need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
set standards and guidelines to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them create
socially
responsible creations.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 1055 in some places people spend a lot of money on parties that celebrate special family events. is this ever true in your country? do you think this is a good trend? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
254 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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