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The table below shows the results of a survey to find out what members of a city sports club think about the club’s activities, facilities and opening hours. v.1

The table below shows the results of a survey to find out what members of a city sports club think about the club’s activities, facilities and opening hours. v. 1
The public is developing a strong opinion that, the culprits should be punished based on the study about the need, the purpose, and extent of committing the atrocity, and similar punishment should not be given to all the criminals. In my opinion, I agree with this statement that, prisoners should receive the appropriate penalty for their sinful acts. However, The government is introducing the new laws in the community to ensure the safety of the individual and also to do justice to the victim. Firstly, Most of the crimes are carried out, based on the different ideology, such as, achieving revenge, or burglary, or physical abuse. But, it is commonly found that, all the following people committing an unlawful task, are treated the same, and are provided with, a limited period of imprisonment. For Instance, Most of the society have commented that, the individual who has committed the crime of the wrong doing, In spite of giving the death sentence, he, or she, is treated, as the same way as, the other human being, who had carried theft. This kind of decisions, are considered as, doing injustice, to the innocent, who have undergone mental, and emotional disturbance. Therefore, New regulations are needed, to be implemented, to punish the dirty deed. Moreover, Many communities also believe that, all the crime followers, should be treated in the same way, irrespective of, the type of crime, that have been pursued. For Instance, Several enraged social activities, gave their opinion that, all the people are equally responsible, because of the thought, that have arisen in their mind, is similar, without any difference in, gender, age, purpose. In addition to that, Various immoral citizens are observed that, there is no sense of realization, or guilt, for the damage they have created. Hence, all the scandalous men, and women, and youth, should have a fixed punishment, which would turn the insensible, to the sensitive human. Further, becoming a good citizen of the nation. But, this idea is not acceptable otherwise, anywhere in the world Finally, In conclusion, I conclude that, despite of the strict procedures, and stringent outcomes, the type of the misdeed, and the rate of the corruption, is not being changed. If, it needs to be changed, then the authoritative retributions need to be discovered based on the various factors that were considered by the malpractice before committing the dreadful act. If, it is not followed, nonetheless, it would, furthermore, lead to unforeseen circumstances, polluting the environment.
The public is developing a strong opinion that, the culprits should
be punished
based on the study about the need, the purpose, and extent of committing the atrocity, and similar punishment should not be
given
to all the criminals. In my opinion, I
agree
with this statement that, prisoners should receive the appropriate penalty for their sinful acts.
However
, The
government
is introducing the new laws in the community to ensure the safety of the individual and
also
to do justice to the victim.

Firstly
, Most of the
crimes
are carried
out, based on the
different
ideology, such as, achieving revenge, or burglary, or physical abuse.
But
, it is
commonly
found that, all the following
people
committing an unlawful task,
are treated
the same, and
are provided
with, a limited period of imprisonment.
For Instance
, Most of the society have commented that, the individual who has committed the
crime
of the
wrong
doing,
In spite of
giving the death sentence, he, or she,
is treated
, as the same way as, the other human being, who had carried theft. This kind of decisions,
are considered
as, doing injustice, to the innocent, who have undergone mental, and emotional disturbance.
Therefore
, New regulations
are needed
, to
be implemented
, to punish the dirty deed.

Moreover
,
Many
communities
also
believe that, all the
crime
followers, should
be treated
in the same way
, irrespective of, the type of
crime
, that have
been pursued
.
For Instance
, Several enraged social activities, gave their opinion that, all the
people
are
equally
responsible,
because
of the
thought
, that have arisen in their mind, is similar, without any difference in, gender, age, purpose.
In addition
to that, Various immoral citizens
are observed
that, there is no sense of realization, or guilt, for the damage they have created.
Hence
, all the scandalous
men
, and women, and youth, should have a
fixed
punishment, which would turn the insensible, to the sensitive human.
Further
, becoming a
good
citizen of the nation.
But
, this
idea
is not acceptable
otherwise
, anywhere in the world

Finally
,
In conclusion
, I conclude that,
despite of
the strict procedures, and stringent outcomes, the type of the misdeed, and the rate of the corruption, is not being
changed
. If, it needs to be
changed
, then the authoritative retributions need to
be discovered
based on the various factors that
were considered
by the malpractice
before
committing the dreadful act. If, it is not followed, nonetheless, it would,
furthermore
, lead to unforeseen circumstances, polluting the environment.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay The table below shows the results of a survey to find out what members of a city sports club think about the club’s activities, facilities and opening hours. v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
413 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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