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"In many countries today, there are concerns about the unhealthy lifestyles that people lead. What health issues are linked to modern lifestyles? What answers to these problems can you suggest? " Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. v.1

"In many countries today, there are concerns about the unhealthy lifestyles that people lead. What health issues are linked to modern lifestyles? What answers to these problems can you suggest? " v. 1
There is no doubt that daily lifestyles can affect either physical or mental health problems. The people know the ways of being healthy lifestyles, however there are rarely people achieve. In fact, there are many health issues leading to unhealthy lifestyles the people dismiss. People enjoy a diverse range of food such as convenience food and street food. People busy seldom all day to prepare meals for family in social economic. Furthermore, a several range of food with varying taste attracts for food lovers. Eating shows from various countries are one of the popular trends in recent years. That is a way to try the taste of diverse convenience food for food lovers. As a result, above these eating habits lead to obesity that can cause health problems likely to diabetes and health diseases. On the other hand, the lack of doing exercise is one of the reasons for physical health issues. People usually work all day long even though they forget to do physical exercise for physical health. Another factor to consider is mental health problems called psychological illness. Owing to internet age today, the people surf the net daily for various kinds of materials. According to experts, the social media users are less emotional satisfying themselves. For this reason, this emotion makes leaving them feeling socially isolated that is a kind of depression called mental illness. Especially, some suicide cases are obvious due to cyber bullying on social media. Hence, although surfing the net supports the peoples' lifestyle, this will be also a kind of unhealthy lifestyle if the people addict too much. In brief, there could be many things the people dismiss to care for health. It is not possible to follow all the healthy tips the people know. All the factors mentioned above are also linking with modern lifestyles. In my point of view, there will be more easier being unhealthy lifestyles provided there is more modernized.
There is no doubt that daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
can affect either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
or mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know the ways of being healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
,
however
there are rarely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
achieve. In fact, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues leading to unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
dismiss.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
enjoy a diverse range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
such as convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
The adverb 'seldom' is usually put before the verb 'busy'.
busy seldom
all day to prepare meals for family in social economic.
Furthermore
, a
Possible agreement error. The noun range seems to be countable; consider using: "several ranges".
several range
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
with varying taste attracts for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
lovers. Eating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
from various countries are one of the popular trends in recent years.
That is
a way to try the taste of diverse convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
lovers.
As a result
, above these eating habits lead to obesity that can cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems likely to diabetes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
diseases.
On the other hand
, the lack of doing exercise is one of the reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
usually
work all day long
even though
they forget to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercise for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health.

Another factor to consider is mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems called psychological illness. Owing to internet age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
surf the net daily for various kinds of materials. According to experts, the social media users are less emotional satisfying themselves.
For this reason
, this emotion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
leaving them feeling
socially
isolated
that is
a kind of depression called mental illness.
Especially
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suicide cases are obvious due to
This word is normally spelled as one.
cyber bullying
on social media.
Hence
, although surfing the net supports the peoples'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
, this will be
also
a kind of unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
addict too much.

In brief
, there could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
dismiss to care for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. It is not possible to follow all the healthy tips the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know. All the factors mentioned above are
also
linking with modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
. In my point of view, there will be
Use only "easier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more easier
being unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
provided there is more modernized.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay "In many countries today, there are concerns about the unhealthy lifestyles that people lead. What health issues are linked to modern lifestyles? What answers to these problems can you suggest? " v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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