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tpo 30 Q4Explain how the example from the lecture illustrates the concept of emotional intelligence. v.1

tpo 30 Q4Explain how the example from the lecture illustrates the concept of emotional intelligence. v. 1
Some argue that free time should be used for mentally demanding activities as reading or solving crosswords while others claim that it ought to be utilised to let the mind rest. I strongly believe that it is essential to perform different types of activities during the leisure time than those necessary while working. Supporters of exercising the mind as a leisure activity highlight the benefit of healthier brain in the long term. Without a doubt, the pastimes involving mental effort strenghten memory in addition to broadening one’s knowledge. Moreover, the research suggests that those who spend at least half an hour a day reading or playing mind games are four times less likely to develop neurodegenerative diseases, for example, dementia, compared to those who do not engage in these activities at all. Therefore, certainly, it might be extremely beneficial for blue-collar workers. On the other hand, many believe that the mind has to rest during free time. It seems that the majority of white-collar workers prefer playing sports after work rather than anything which puts strain on their minds. After running or swimming many of them feel relaxed. This subjective feeling is supported by research evidence showing that not only mental but also an appropriate amount of physical exercise is crucial for the health of our brains. Hence, those in jobs requiring high mental effort, for instance, doctors, lawers or scientist are adviced to spend their leisure time performing physical workout. In conclusion, both kinds of recreational activities those exercising mind as well as those which let it rest have an important place in peoples lives. In my opinion, which is also supported by scientific research, which type of leisure activity is vital for an individual depends on the nature of the person’s occupation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for mentally demanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
as reading or solving crosswords while others claim that it ought to be
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
rest. I
strongly
believe that it is essential to perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
than those necessary while working.

Supporters of exercising the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
highlight the benefit of healthier brain in the long term. Without a doubt, the pastimes involving mental effort
Possible spelling mistake found.
strenghten
memory
in addition
to broadening one’s knowledge.
Moreover
, the research suggests that those who spend at least half an hour a day reading or playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
games are four
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
less likely to develop neurodegenerative diseases,
for example
, dementia, compared to those who do not engage in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
at all.
Therefore
,
certainly
, it might be
extremely
beneficial for blue-collar workers.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
rest during free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. It seems that the majority of white-collar workers prefer playing sports after work
rather
than anything which puts strain on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minds
. After running or swimming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them feel relaxed. This subjective feeling
is supported
by research evidence showing that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
mental
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
an appropriate amount of physical exercise is crucial for the health of our brains.
Hence
, those in jobs requiring high mental effort,
for instance
, doctors,
Possible spelling mistake found.
lawers
or scientist are
Possible spelling mistake found.
adviced
to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
performing physical workout.

In conclusion
, both kinds of recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
those exercising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
those which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
it rest have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
place in peoples
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In my opinion, which is
also
supported by scientific research, which type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is vital for an individual depends on the nature of the person’s occupation.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay tpo 30 Q4Explain how the example from the lecture illustrates the concept of emotional intelligence. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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