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Explain how the example from the professor’s lecture illustrates the irrational commitment. v.1

Explain how the example from the professor’s lecture illustrates the irrational commitment. v. 1
Global warming has become a public health problem as its effects are deleterious to all life forms. Sadly, this dilemma of increasing worldwide temperature is caused solely by man's activities. The two major man-made causes of this issue are the use of fossil fuels for energy and deforestation. There are a variety of ways to tackle this controversial issue, however, in my opinion, conversion to renewable sources of energy and planting of trees or preservation of green life in general will prove effective. First and foremost, industrialization brought about the advancement of the modern world, but also the continuous emission of dangerous pollutants into the earth's atmosphere. For centuries, coal and other fossil fuels have been used to generate energy for our daily activities. Experts have shown that these gases are responsible for the elevation of the planet's core temperature as they cause depletion of the protective covering of the earth called the ozone layer which counteracts the greenhouse effect. To solve this problem, governments globally should place an embargo on the use of fossil fuels as energy. Resources should go to the research and development of other forms of reusable energy such as water and nuclear power. This will allow for healing of the ozone layer since the factors causing its destruction would have been eliminated. Secondly, as the population of humans increase, so is the need for more space for housing and other infrastructures. This has led to a vast depletion of the trees that are responsible for clearing out the earth's air. Furthermore, the trees, especially in the arctic region help to preserve the permafrost, which keeps the core temperature cool. The absence of this causes a rise in temperatures with resultant melting of the polar ice caps. To deal with this, areas where deforestations have already taken place should commence tree planting drives. For example, there are countries where community service for minor infractions are done by planting at least 500 trees. Government should also make policies that ensure incorporation of nature and trees into works and housing plans. In conclusion, the biggest challenge of this generation might as well be global warming. It is the culmination of the effects of man's activities such as burning fuels and cutting down trees. I believe that changing to alternative forms of power and worldwide planting of trees can help solve this issue.
Global warming has become a public health problem as its effects are deleterious to all life forms.
Sadly
, this dilemma of increasing worldwide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
is caused
solely
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
's activities. The two major
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
-made causes of this issue are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
and deforestation. There are a variety of ways to tackle this controversial issue,
however
, in my opinion, conversion to renewable sources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planting
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trees
or preservation of green life
in general
will prove effective.

First
and foremost, industrialization brought about the advancement of the modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the continuous emission of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
pollutants into the earth's atmosphere. For centuries, coal and other fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to generate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
for our daily activities. Experts have shown that these gases are responsible for the elevation of the planet's core
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
as they cause depletion of the protective covering of the earth called the ozone layer which counteracts the greenhouse effect. To solve this problem,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
globally should place an embargo on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
. Resources should go to the research and development of other forms of reusable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
such as water and nuclear power. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
for healing of the ozone layer since the factors causing its destruction would have
been eliminated
.

Secondly
, as the population of humans increase,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
is the need for more space for housing and other infrastructures. This has led to a vast depletion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trees
that are responsible for clearing out the earth's air.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trees
,
especially
in the arctic region
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to preserve the permafrost, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
the core
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
cool. The absence of
Did you mean "these"?
this
causes a rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperatures
with resultant melting of the polar ice caps. To deal with this, areas where
Possible spelling mistake found.
deforestations
have already taken place should commence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tree
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planting
drives.
For example
, there are countries where community service for minor infractions
are done
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planting
at least 500
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trees
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
policies that ensure incorporation of nature and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trees
into works and housing plans.

In conclusion
, the biggest challenge of this generation might
as well
be global warming. It is the culmination of the effects of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
's activities such as burning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
and cutting down
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trees
. I believe that changing to alternative forms of power and worldwide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planting
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trees
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
solve this issue.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Explain how the example from the professor’s lecture illustrates the irrational commitment. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
394 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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