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tpo 29-6Using points and examples from the lecture, explain two ways a company can diversify v.1

tpo 29-6Using points and examples from the lecture, explain two ways a company can diversify v. 1
Some people think that teaching children in one's own home is most suited and finest for a child's development, whereas other people think that it is better for children to go to school for their development. In my opinion, i would disagree with the statement that teaching children at home is best mainly because of key aspects such as parent's education To begin with, teaching children at home means that the parents should be able to teach children and make them understand the world better. But, for this to happen efficiently, parents should have completed minimum up to higher secondary schooling. If they have not completed schooling properly, this in turn hinders the children's education and their development. If they teach children with the wrong kind of education, it would be tough for the children to rectify it while going to higher standards. Further, in this contemporary world, it is likely that both men and women go to jobs to provide good education and higher standards of living. Therefore, it is certain that children would be in the hands of grandparents or maids. Hence there is less probability in providing good education at home for children. On the contrary, if the children are put into schools such as children's day care to start with, it could have a major growth in children's learning. Usually in schools, there would be many children of similar age group and hence this type of learning to be in groups have a major impact on children's development. In addition to that, most of the schools are coming up with entertaining and innovative ideas such as learning by playing games, understanding the children's way of learning and providing education to them. This kind of innovative methods might engage children and develop their skills better when compared to learning in their home. To summarize, considering the advantages of schools, interactive learning and learning by playing, it would be better to develop the children's learning capabilities by putting them among same age group children rather than keeping at home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in one's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home is most suited and finest for a child's development, whereas other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for their development.

In my opinion,
Did you mean "I"?
i
would disagree with the statement that teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at home is best
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of key aspects such as parent's education

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at home means that the parents should be able to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them understand the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, for this to happen
efficiently
, parents should have completed minimum up to higher secondary schooling. If they have not completed schooling
properly
, this in turn hinders the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and their development. If they teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, it would be tough for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to rectify it while going to higher standards.
Further
, in this contemporary world, it is likely that both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women go to jobs to provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and higher standards of living.
Therefore
, it is certain that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would be in the hands of grandparents or maids.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
there is less probability in providing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
at home for children.

On the contrary
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are put
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
day care to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, it could have a major growth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
.
Usually
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, there would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of similar age group and
hence
this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
to be in groups have a major impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
development.
In addition
to that, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are coming up with entertaining and innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
by playing games, understanding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
and providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to them. This kind of innovative methods might engage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
when compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
in their home.

To summarize
, considering the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, interactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
by playing, it would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
capabilities by putting them among same age group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
rather
than keeping at home.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay tpo 29-6Using points and examples from the lecture, explain two ways a company can diversify v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
341 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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