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Explain how the Aboriginal People are identified. Draw upon information in both the reading and the lecture. v.1

Explain how the Aboriginal People are identified. Draw upon information in both the reading and the lecture. v. 1
Education is a vital part in a person's life. While some some people say that the main intention of the schooling should be building a perfect citizen, others think that it should intended to fulfil the dreams of every individual. This essay agrees with the fact that the schooling should be more society oriented as it helps to transform a country to a developed one rather that developing individual lifestyle. If the main purpose of education is to develop a perfect civilian the society will become more civilized as well as developed. This is because, every person is learning the things which are helpful the society. By doing this they are aware of the rules and regulations of the country and they are more likely to follow those procedures. For instance, in Japan, all citizens obey the rules properly because their primary aim of the study is to mould a child to a better person. From the childhood itself, they have been taught the things like, how to behave in public, how to obey rules etc. Therefore, the primary aim of the schooling should be society oriented. On the other hand, some people argue that the schooling should be helpful for the individual to build their lives. Although this type of study teaches a person to earn more money, it is not at all useful to the society. To go into detail, many developing countries have skilled individuals those who have graduated from the university. However, these people are not willing to obey the rules properly just because they are unaware of those rules. For example, as per the latest survey of the Indian Express newspaper, 80 percent of skilled employees in India are not paying their Income tax properly. This is due to their lack of knowledge about the importance of rules. Therefore, the study based on self benefit, if not good for the society. In conclusion, Education which is aimed to mould a better citizen will helps to make a country to a developed one as it help to build a civilized society. While, on the other side, the teaching based on individual purpose will only make their lifestyle better. If we are teaching the students about the importance of being a good citizen and about the rules, the society is more likely to become a developed one.
Education is a vital part in a person's life. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that the main intention of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
should be building a perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizen
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "intend"
intended
to fulfil the dreams of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
should be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
oriented as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to transform a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
one
rather
that developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
lifestyle.

If the main purpose of education is to develop a perfect civilian the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
will become more civilized
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, every person is learning the things which are helpful the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. By doing this they are aware of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and regulations of the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
country and
they are more likely to follow those procedures.
For instance
, in Japan, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
obey the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
properly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their primary aim of the study is to
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
a child to a better person. From the childhood itself, they have
been taught
the things like, how to behave in public, how to obey
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
etc.
Therefore
, the primary aim of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
oriented.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
should be helpful for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to build their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Although this type of study teaches a person to earn more money, it is not at all useful to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. To go into detail,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
those who have graduated from the university.
However
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not willing to obey the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
properly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are unaware of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
.
For example
, as per the latest survey of the Indian Express newspaper, 80 percent of skilled employees in India are not paying their Income tax
properly
. This is due to their lack of knowledge about the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
.
Therefore
, the study based on self benefit, if not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the society.

In conclusion
, Education which
is aimed
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizen
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
one as it
Did you mean "helps"?
help
to build a civilized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. While, on the other side, the teaching based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
purpose will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their lifestyle better. If we are teaching the students about the importance of being a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizen
and about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is more likely to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
one.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Explain how the Aboriginal People are identified. Draw upon information in both the reading and the lecture. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
390 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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