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Some people belie that eventually all jobs will be done by artificially intelligent robots. What is your opinions? v.1

Some people belie that eventually all jobs will be done by artificially intelligent robots. What is your opinions? v. 1
Some would argue that children should be grown up in a competitive environment. Others think that adolescents who are taught to be cooperative become more useful adults. While competition prepares children to face a tough adult life, I believe cooperation teaches juveniles to be receptive. One the one hand, competition makes children to get used to face a tough adult life. This is to say that children who are used to competitive environment do not have to struggle later in practical life. For example, recent research of the University of Karachi revealed that children who are brought up in competitive environment have 40% more chance of getting a job as compared to those who were not taught to be competitive in their childhood. However, it does not prepare children to face all the problems of life. On the other hand, a sense of cooperation teaches children to be open to others’ ideas. This is to say that children who are receptive make more friends in their life because when a child accepts the others point of view than the children around him start to like him and this ability helps that child going to the executive position later in life. For instance, a survey conducted by the University of Delhi shows that 70% of people who acquired the executive positions in large organizations in India are very cooperative and down to earth. I agree with this opinion because to be cooperative solve many problems in life. In conclusion, although some say that adolescents are motivated to become competitive because it helps them to tackle tough problems of life, I firmly believe that teaching cooperation is more important to make children better people later in their lives.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be grown
up in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
environment. Others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that adolescents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are taught
to be cooperative become more useful adults. While competition prepares
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to face a tough adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, I believe cooperation teaches juveniles to be receptive.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, competition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to face a tough adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. This is to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
environment do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
struggle later in practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, recent research of the University of Karachi revealed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are brought
up in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
environment have 40% more chance of getting a job as compared to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were not taught to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
in their childhood.
However
, it does not prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to face all the problems of life.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, a sense of cooperation teaches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be open to others’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. This is to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are receptive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more friends in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when a child accepts the others point of view than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
around him
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to like him and this ability
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
that child going to the executive position later in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For instance
, a survey conducted by the University of Delhi
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 70% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
acquired the executive positions in large organizations in India are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
cooperative and down to earth. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
to be cooperative solve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems in life.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
say that adolescents
are motivated
to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to tackle tough problems of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, I
firmly
believe that teaching cooperation is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
later in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people belie that eventually all jobs will be done by artificially intelligent robots. What is your opinions? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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