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TPO-26 - Independent Writing TaskDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents’ jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their parents’ job. Use specific re v.2

TPO-26 - Independent Writing Task It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents’ jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their parents’ job. Use specific re v. 2
There is an argument which is as old as the world whether children ought to look for a job which matches with occupation of their parents or it is wiser to take a job position in a completely different field. Although many people support the second viewpoint, I am prone to buttress the first prospect. The reasons on which my stance is based will be discussed in detail below. Firstly, this is an indispensable opportunity for saving money on education. Education is expensive in particular when we have a deal with a professional one. Students have to spend money heavily on textbooks, equipment and other stuff which is needed for studying. At the same time, if a person’s parents have already studied at the same field they will have all required materials. Consequently, the lucky student may avoid spending finances on them. Secondly, parents may help their offspring with acquiring knowledge in a chosen field. Studying may be quite challenging especially if a person picked a difficult specialization, sometimes the troubles faced by the youngsters may be so dire and challenging that a person could simply give up on it. In fact, in such fields as physics, medicine, engineering a number of students who manage to finish the studying process is relatively small in comparison with the number of people who enrolled. Parents may help their offspring with understanding of difficult concepts and studying challenging subjects. Thus, those students are less prone to be dismissed. Admittedly, there are some reasons which may allow a person to state that pursuing a profession which has no connection with the parents’ one is more beneficial. Chiefly, the person may aver that those children might exercise a freedom of choice and thus they are more satisfied and happy with their lives. However, I still affirm my viewpoint because choosing of a future job is always influenced by occupation of our predecessors. We may try to avoid repeating their fate or to continue their path in both cases an ancestor does not exercise a free will because unconsciously the one makes the decision with the respect to his and family experience. Additionally to it, there is no obvious connection between rejecting the work occupation of parents and satisfaction or happiness with the job taken. Therefore, the idea stated by my adversary isn’t sound. To wrap up, following steps of your parents and picking a job which is similar to their one has many benefits for the offspring which were described above. Thus, I adhere to this idea completely.
There is an argument which is as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
as the world whether children ought to look for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which matches with occupation of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or it is wiser to take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
position in a completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
support the second viewpoint, I am prone to buttress the
first
prospect. The reasons on which my stance
is based
will
be discussed
in detail below.

Firstly
, this is an indispensable opportunity for saving money on education. Education is expensive
in particular
when we have a deal with a professional one.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend money
heavily
on textbooks, equipment and other stuff which
is needed
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
. At the same time, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have already studied at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
they will have all required materials.
Consequently
, the lucky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
may avoid spending finances on them.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their offspring with acquiring knowledge in a chosen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Studying
may be quite challenging
especially
if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
picked a difficult specialization,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the troubles faced by the youngsters may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
dire and challenging that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
could
simply
give up on it. In fact, in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
as physics, medicine, engineering a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who manage to finish the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
process is
relatively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
in comparison
with the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who enrolled.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their offspring with understanding of difficult concepts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
challenging subjects.
Thus
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are less prone to
be dismissed
.

Admittedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to state that pursuing a profession which has no connection with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
one is more beneficial.
Chiefly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
may aver that those children might exercise
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "freedom".
a freedom
of choice and
thus
they are more satisfied and happy with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
However
, I
still
affirm my viewpoint
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
choosing of a future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is always influenced by occupation of our predecessors. We may try to avoid repeating their fate or to continue their path in both cases an ancestor does not exercise a free will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
unconsciously
the one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the decision with the respect to his and family experience.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Additionally
to it, there is no obvious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
rejecting the work occupation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and satisfaction or happiness with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
taken.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
stated by my adversary isn’t sound.

To wrap up, following steps of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and picking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which is similar to their one has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for the offspring which were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
above.
Thus
, I adhere to this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
completely.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay TPO-26 - Independent Writing Task It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents’ jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their parents’ job. Use specific re v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
423 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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