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TPO 21 – taks 2: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? For success in a future job, the ability to relate with other people is more important than studying hard in school. v.2

TPO 21 – taks 2: For success in a future job, the ability to relate with other people is more important than studying hard in school. v. 2
In today' s world, social skills are vital for success. How we relate with others can have significant effects on both our personal and professional life. Some insightful people agree that the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard at school; some others, however, disagree. From my perspective, I approve the statement based on the following substantial reasons. First and foremost, teamwork is an indisputable requirement for success. With cooperation and teamwork, employees in a company can increase their productivity and overall efficiency. The more productive the company is, the more successful and satisfied the employees are. The veracity of this claim can be evaluated through a meticulous observation on the mass of examples; all well-known companies send their employees to teamwork workshops or training courses at universities to assist them improve their skills. In summary, teamwork aids people to relate well and reach success. Second, in order to communicate well with others, people should be tolerant. When a person goes to work in a company, he or she has to contact people with distinct background, culture, language, and thoughts. Therefore, he or she must be tolerant to avoid contentions and debates. If a person treats other persons arrogantly, they do not respect and work with him. No matter how erudite the person might be and how hard he studied at school, if he fails to relate well with other, the manager will fire him. Last but not least, although some sophisticated people may assert that a knowledgeable and expert person would be more successful in his career, I think that a considerate and sensitive person would prosper faster in his career and reach the top lines in his career. The person might brag about his knowledge and intelligence and make other employees seem stupid. Moreover, a considerate worker might be willing to change his schedule to accommodate another worker' s emergency. Such manners would be more appreciated than good scores at school and smartness in every occupation. Therefore, since a sensitive and considerate person can relate with other people better, he would be more successful in his job. All in all, although some sophisticated people may prove that studding hard in school is more important, I reiterate that personality and social skills contribute more to success in a future job.
In
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s world, social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are vital for success. How we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relate
with others can have significant effects on both our personal and professional life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
insightful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than studying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others,
however
, disagree. From my perspective, I approve the statement based on the following substantial reasons.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teamwork
is an indisputable requirement for success. With cooperation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teamwork
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can increase their productivity and
overall
efficiency. The more productive the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is, the more successful and satisfied the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are. The veracity of this claim can
be evaluated
through a meticulous observation on the mass of examples; all well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teamwork
workshops or training courses at universities to assist them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. In summary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teamwork
aids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
and reach success.

Second, in order to communicate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
with others,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be tolerant. When a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
goes to work in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, he or she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
contact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with distinct background, culture, language, and thoughts.
Therefore
, he or she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be tolerant to avoid contentions and debates. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
treats
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
arrogantly
, they do not respect and work with him. No matter how erudite the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
might be and how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
he studied at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, if he fails to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, the manager will fire him.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sophisticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may assert that a knowledgeable and expert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
would be more successful in his career, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a considerate and sensitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
would prosper faster in his career and reach the top lines in his career. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
might brag about his knowledge and intelligence and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
seem stupid.
Moreover
, a considerate worker might be willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
his schedule to accommodate another
Possible spelling mistake found.
worker&
#039; s emergency. Such manners would be more appreciated than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
scores at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and smartness in every occupation.
Therefore
, since a sensitive and considerate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relate
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
better, he would be more successful in his job.

All in all, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sophisticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may prove that studding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, I reiterate that personality and social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
contribute more to success in a future job.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay TPO 21 – taks 2: For success in a future job, the ability to relate with other people is more important than studying hard in school. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
386 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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