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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? For success in future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support you answer. v.634

For success in future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support you answer. v. 634
The ability to relate well to the people is important to get a lot of friends, to let the life goes smoothlyin future job, in addition the success in future job depends on many factors: first of all is luck, , i know many people that are relate good to the people, studying hard but ther are not successful in their life, even the hard studying will not lead to success in future job, i remember a student was was with me at the same grade in baghdad university he was studying hard and was one from the top scored, then when we became a practicing dentist he wasn' t deal good with the people, even his work wasn' t good, a lot of patients were un pleased from his work. Second in my view when the employee treat the customers good, his maneger will be a proud of him, this lead to increase the salaries then take a good position at his job, for example my brother was sell' s manager, he treated the customers very good even he was not doing good at the school but in his position he related with many benefit to his company, he was a success employer who his boss always depend on him. Last but not least studying hard at the school is really important but at the future job it should connect with good relation with th people to accomplish a good equation which is studying hard plus good relation with the people it will lead to success in future job. my teacher told as that he was stydying hard and he was at the top of his level, but all of my class wasn' t love him because he was so taugh with us in addition to that he was so angry so this lead us to go to the principle and ask him if he can change the teacher of our class. To put everything in nut shell each sides of issue are important to attain a success in future job but if it comes to me i think ability to relate well to the people is much important, hard studying will let us get a good carrer but that is not mean we will acheive a succes in our job.
The ability to relate well to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
friends, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the life goes
Possible spelling mistake found.
smoothlyin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
in addition
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
depends on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors:

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
is luck,
Two consecutive commas
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that are
Consider using a past participle here: "related".
relate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Possible spelling mistake found.
ther are
not successful in their life, even the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
remember a student
Possible typo: you repeated a word
was was
with me at the same grade in
Possible spelling mistake found.
baghdad
university he was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
and was one from the top scored, then when we became a practicing dentist he
Possible spelling mistake found.
wasn&
#039; t deal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, even his work
Possible spelling mistake found.
wasn&
#039; t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
patients were
Possible spelling mistake found.
un
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
from his work.

Second in my view when the employee
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "treats".
treat
the customers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
, his
Possible spelling mistake found.
maneger
will be
The phrase 'a proud of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a proud of
him, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to increase the salaries then take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
position at his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
for example
my brother was
Possible spelling mistake found.
sell&
#039; s manager, he treated the customers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
even he was not doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
at the school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in his position he related with
Possible agreement error. The noun benefit seems to be countable; consider using: "many benefits".
many benefit
to his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, he was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
employer who his boss always depend on him.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
at the school is
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
it should connect with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
relation with
Possible spelling mistake found.
th
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to accomplish a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
equation which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
plus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
relation with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
my
teacher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
as that he was
Possible spelling mistake found.
stydying
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hard and
he was at the top of his level,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
all of my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
Possible spelling mistake found.
wasn&
#039; t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Possible spelling mistake found.
taugh
with us
in addition
to that he was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
angry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
us to go to the principle and ask him if he can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the teacher of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

To put everything in nut shell each sides of issue are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to attain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to me
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
ability to relate well to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
Possible spelling mistake found.
carrer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that is
not mean we will
Possible spelling mistake found.
acheive
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
succes
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
58Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay For success in future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support you answer. v. 634

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
382 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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