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Some people think that family members are the most important influence on young adults. Other believe that friends are the most important influence. Which do you agree with? Explain why. v.2

Some people think that family members are the most important influence on young adults. Other believe that friends are the most important influence. Which do you agree with? Explain why. v. 2
There are two different opinions about the effect of weather change on work. First one is, that changes will have a negative impact on business. An opposing view, is the differences will improve more chances and initiate opportunities to increase the profit. Firstly, some jobs may suffer from the drawbacks that may happen because of the climate changes, such as importing and exporting goods, which relies mainly on travelling products overseas, also, flight, and cruises so, any variation in weather may affect it negatively and that can cost the government or a private employer more money to compensate any problem. For example, the departure of the plane may delay or even cancelled, as a consequence of bad clime especially in winter when it is cloudy and there is a heavy rain, to save the passengers and the flights' staff from any threats. Nevertheless, other businesses may catch the opportunity of the changes that happen normally all over the year. Any job that depends on seasons can support this point of view like, selling clothes, hotels, and cafes. For instance, a large number of people get their vacations during the summer season that's why hotels are fully booked at this period and it is the highest rate of renting a room. Thus, changing seasons is more profitable for these hotels. In conclusion, climate change can influence either positive, or negative on certain jobs, that depends on the nature of work itself. In my opinion, the disadvantages of weather changes can cover its benefits, because some vital jobs may stop.
There are two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions about the effect of weather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
on work.

First
one is, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on business. An opposing view, is the differences will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
more chances and initiate opportunities to increase the profit.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
may suffer from the drawbacks that may happen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the climate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
, such as importing and exporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, which relies
mainly
on travelling products overseas,
also
, flight, and cruises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, any variation in weather may affect it
negatively
and that can cost the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or a private employer more money to compensate any problem.
For example
, the departure of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
may delay or even cancelled, as a consequence of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
clime
especially
in winter when it is cloudy and there is a heavy rain, to save the passengers and the flights' staff from any threats.

Nevertheless
, other businesses may catch the opportunity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
that happen
normally
all over the year. Any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that depends on seasons can support this point of view like, selling clothes, hotels, and
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
.
For instance
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their vacations during
Consider using "summer".
the summer season
that's why hotels are
fully
booked at this period and it is the highest rate of renting a room.
Thus
, changing seasons is more profitable for these hotels.

In conclusion
, climate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
can influence either
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
, or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
on certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, that depends on the nature of work itself. In my opinion, the disadvantages of weather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
can cover its benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people think that family members are the most important influence on young adults. Other believe that friends are the most important influence. Which do you agree with? Explain why. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
258 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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