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Learning through online courses is more effective than learning in the traditional classroom setting State whether you agree or disagree with the following statement Then explain your reasons using specific details in your explanation v.1

Learning through online courses is more effective than learning in the traditional classroom setting State whether you agree or disagree with the following statement Then explain your reasons using specific details in your explanation v. 1
While some individuals think that if the minors are permitted to take their decisions on day to day subjects (such as a choice of food, outfits and entertainment), it would be result in a world of individualistics who will be only concerned with their own choices, I believe we should allow children to make their choices about matters that affect their lives because it is necessary for a child's mental and professional growth. On the one hand, a school of thought opines that if children do not have any impediment regarding their choices, they would become the self focused people in the future. For instance, children who always eat food, wear clothes, and have entertainment according to their choices, they would never learn about the opinions of other people on the same things. Consequently, the masses in the world would become self centered. However, this can be controlled the by proper guidance, on the wrong matters, from the parents and teachers during the childhood period. On the other hand, since childhood is a formative period, children should not be pressurised for the selections which are directly connected with their lives. For example, selection of study field or a career option should be according to their personal opinion because these choices are mandatory for child's mental and professional growth. If a child forcefully indulged in some academic course which he does not like, it would be result in a mental stress and children would not be able learn properly. As a result, this act would also spoil the professional growth of a child in the future. In conclusion, although people have varied view on the subject matter, according to my perspective children should be allowed to take decisions about matters that are directly connected with their future. This would be helpful for the proper personal and career growth of upcoming generations.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if the minors
are permitted
to take their decisions on
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
subjects (such as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
of food, outfits and entertainment), it would be result in a world of
Possible spelling mistake found.
individualistics
who will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
concerned with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
, I believe we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matters
that affect their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is necessary for a child's mental and professional growth.

On the one hand, a school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
opines that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not have any impediment regarding their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
, they would become the self focused
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the future.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who always eat food, wear clothes, and have entertainment according to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
, they would never learn about the opinions of other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on the same things.
Consequently
, the masses in the world would become self centered.
However
, this can
be controlled
the by proper guidance, on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matters
, from the parents and teachers during the childhood period.

On the other hand
, since childhood is a formative period,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not be
Possible spelling mistake. 'pressurised' is British English.
pressurised
for the selections which are
directly
connected with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For example
, selection of study field or a career option should be according to their personal opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
are mandatory for child's mental and professional growth. If a child
forcefully
indulged in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
academic course which he does not like, it would be result in a mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would not be
The preposition 'to' is required in front of the verb 'learn'.
able learn
properly
.
As a result
, this act would
also
spoil the professional growth of a child in the future.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have varied view on the subject
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matter
, according to my perspective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to take decisions about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matters
that are
directly
connected with their future. This would be helpful for the proper personal and career growth of upcoming generations.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Learning through online courses is more effective than learning in the traditional classroom setting State whether you agree or disagree with the following statement Then explain your reasons using specific details in your explanation v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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