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Many universities now offer academic courses through internet. But some prefer the traditional classroom. which one do you think is better? v.1

Many universities now offer academic courses through internet. But some prefer the traditional classroom. which one do you think is better? v. 1
Children learn by observing, listening, exploring, experimenting and asking questions from their living environment. Their parents and family members highly influence a child's maturity; however, they grab and learn things much quicker from outside of their family. I think youngsters build their character mainly learning from the outside world rather than from the family. Undoubtedly, during the early years, children mainly interact with their parents and siblings; hence, they are their first mentors. They hear what the family members are talking; they see what their parents are doing; they ask questions which are related to their environment, which is the home they live. As a result of that, in early ages, children are more influenced by their family members. Nevertheless, when they grow up, eventually, children are sent to daycare centres and playgroups as a result of the busy schedules of their parents, where they meet many strangers with different behaviour. It is human nature to adapt and get highly influenced by new experiences and children are more prone to this. Children meet new friends who are of the same age and try to imitate them. For instance, it is clearly observed that if a child's friends have good behaviour, he or she will inherit good attitudes and vice versa. Furthermore, once children start school, they are more motivated and interested in learning new things. They start to ask more questions and explore new experiences in school, and the schools play a significant role in their development. The team activities and hands-on experiments at an early stage assist them to develop their excellent motor skills. The teachers guide them and assist them in learning through new experiences. In conclusion, I firmly believe that their family more influences children at the early ages and however, outside the family plays a more significant role in developing a child.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
learn by observing, listening, exploring, experimenting and asking questions from their living environment. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members
highly
influence a child's maturity;
however
, they grab and learn things much quicker from
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
youngsters build their character
mainly
learning from the outside world
rather
than from the family.

Undoubtedly
, during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
mainly
interact with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and siblings;
hence
, they are their
first
mentors. They hear what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members are talking; they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are doing; they ask questions which
are related
to their environment, which is the home they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
As a result
of that, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
ages,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more influenced by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.

Nevertheless
, when they grow up,
eventually
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to daycare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and playgroups
as a result
of the busy schedules of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
strangers with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. It is human nature to adapt and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
highly
influenced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
experiences and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more prone to this.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends who are of the same age and try to imitate them.
For instance
, it is
clearly
observed that if a child's friends have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, he or she will inherit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
attitudes and vice versa.

Furthermore
, once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
school, they are more motivated and interested in learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to ask more questions and explore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
experiences in school, and the schools play a significant role in their development. The team activities and hands-on experiments at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
stage assist them to develop their excellent motor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. The teachers guide them and assist them in learning through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
experiences.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
more influences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
ages and
however
, outside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
plays a more significant role in developing a child.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Many universities now offer academic courses through internet. But some prefer the traditional classroom. which one do you think is better? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
306 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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