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TPO 08 agree or disagree: television advertising directed towards young children (age two to five) should not be allowed. v.1

TPO 08 agree or disagree: television advertising directed towards young children (age two to five) should not be allowed. v. 1
Education and training using the internet are rapidly setting up to be famous in the corporate world. There are myriad of benefits of this development, yes, this is a positive development and advantages are more than disadvantages. This essay illustrates this point. Firstly, getting very high-quality trainer is a challenge for any institution, it is possible to have such training from different locations, having such trainer to come to institution for training will involve logistics. So online education, by which trainer teaches to students with minor investment over the internet is a trend of today. For example, institutions like Harvard, has offered online courses in management. Secondly, the comfort of being at home and then utilizing the time for education by saving time to commute is peaceful and very intelligent option for students. Generally, it takes one hour to commute to schools and colleges by vehicle, this time can be used for the enhancement in topics of interest by using online materials such as articles and videos in YouTube. Finally, the strictness of online exams which guarantee to have zero copy-pasting by having secured websites and extreme monitoring tools, such as web cameras and Plagiarism Checker software, it is possible to generate purely talented students which can be absorbed into companies as potential employees. For example, Infosys hired only online degree merit candidates because they can not get great marks without self-dedication and hard work. On the contrary, there are disadvantages, such as students can get diverted to entertainment, and online scamming. This can happen if there is no monitoring done for students. There are examples of online robbery because some student disclosed the details about bank transactions of parents, because such student was using parents’ computer. Furthermore, screen time will increase, which may lead to eye strains and diseases related to sight. Dark circles around eyes is a result of eye strain. Socialism will reduce, students will not meet physically with other students in the class. This can lead to less interaction. To sum up, the benefits of online education are plenty compared to the drawbacks, socialism can be mitigated by having weekly Meetup in the same city. Certainly, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages as per above illustrations and examples.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
and training using the internet are
rapidly
setting up to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in the corporate world. There are myriad of benefits of this development, yes, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development and advantages are more than disadvantages. This essay illustrates this point.

Firstly
, getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high-quality trainer is a challenge for any institution, it is possible to have such training from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
locations, having such trainer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to institution for training will involve logistics.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, by which trainer teaches to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with minor investment over the internet is a trend of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, institutions like Harvard, has offered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
courses in management.
Secondly
, the comfort of being at home and then utilizing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
by saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to commute is peaceful and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
intelligent option for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Generally
, it takes one hour to commute to schools and colleges by vehicle, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the enhancement in topics of
In English, people don't say "interest by'. They say, "interest in'. Did you mean "interest in"?
interest by
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
materials such as articles and videos in YouTube.
Finally
, the strictness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
exams which guarantee to have zero copy-pasting by having secured websites and extreme monitoring tools, such as web cameras and Plagiarism Checker software, it is possible to generate
purely
talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
which can
be absorbed
into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
as potential employees. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Infosys
hired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
degree merit candidates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
great marks without self-dedication and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.

On the contrary
, there are disadvantages, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
diverted to entertainment, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
scamming. This can happen if there is no monitoring done for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examples
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
robbery
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
disclosed the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about bank transactions of parents,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
was using parents’ computer.
Furthermore
, screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
will increase, which may lead to eye strains and diseases related to sight. Dark circles around eyes is a result of eye strain. Socialism will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
physically
with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. This can lead to less interaction.

To sum up, the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
compared to the drawbacks, socialism can
be mitigated
by having weekly Meetup in the same city.
Certainly
, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages as per above illustrations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examples
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 08 agree or disagree: television advertising directed towards young children (age two to five) should not be allowed. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
371 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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