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TPO 20 independent agree or not successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they know how to do well v.2

TPO 20 independent agree or not successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they know how to do well v. 2
Success is a convoluted word which has many different meanings behind it, and there are myriad ways reaching the destination of success, so people cannot compromise on one specific way. There are mutually exclusive explanations whether experiencing new professions or focusing on one particular job is the main turnpike of being successful. In my view, I am inclined with the former idealization in spite of the fact that the latter has more aficionados among adults. My answer to this bone of contention is twofold, and in the following, the rationale behind it will be elaborated completely by the most outstanding, solid proofs. The first and foremost rationalization which is worth mentioning is that by entering new fields, one can experience diverse majors; therefore, they can realize which job they are more prone to. As the " Black Swan" hypothesis endorses, in today' s complicated world, people must indulge themselves to new opportunities in order to increase their experience and find their way to a better living situation. To put it into a more vivid picture, I myself had been a civil engineer for many years, but I did not like my profession at all and was always complaining about my life' s situation. After reading about diverse majors, I realized that I love the world of investigation. In that time, I knew that I want to be a stock market trader, so I quit my job as fast as I could even though I did not know the destination of my choice. However, I accepted the risk and started my whole new journey. Nowadays, not only I am satisfied with my new field but also I make a hefty amount of money each and every year. The second and equally far-reaching justification to bear in mind is that risking new fields gives individuals the opportunity to visit new people who can help them in their majors. Elderly people always say that never reject new relationships and be always eager to meet others. As an illustration, my cousin was unsuccessful in his career insomuch as he thought that he did not others' help. Nonetheless, after experiencing failures in other professions, he acknowledged that his core problem is his lack of social life spanning. He took the risk and for one year attended as many as conferences as he could so as to find new professionals and strengthen his relations. Now, he is considered as one of the best entrepreneurs in the country owing to the fact that he usually work collaboratively and outsources his workload to his colleagues. In conclusion, taking all the aforementioned facts into account, I concur with this idealization that for increasing the chances of being more successful, people ought to be fearless and try new things. In that case, they will increase their experience in numerous fields which can be helpful for them choosing their most wanted dream job. Additionally, this will give them the opportunity to visit new seasoned professionals who can contribute and collaborate with them to reach their objectives.
Success is a convoluted word which has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
meanings behind it, and there are myriad ways reaching the destination of success,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot compromise on one specific way. There are
mutually
exclusive explanations whether experiencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
professions or focusing on one particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is the main turnpike of being successful. In my view, I
am inclined
with the former idealization
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the fact that the latter has more aficionados among adults. My answer to this bone of contention is twofold, and in the following, the rationale behind it will
be elaborated
completely by the most outstanding, solid proofs.

The
first
and foremost rationalization which is worth mentioning is that by entering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
, one can experience diverse majors;
therefore
, they can realize which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
they are more prone to. As the
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
; Black
Possible spelling mistake found.
Swan&quot
; hypothesis endorses, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s complicated world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
indulge themselves to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
opportunities in order to increase their experience and find their way to a better living situation. To put it into a more vivid picture, I myself had been a civil engineer for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I did not like my profession at all and was always complaining about my
Possible spelling mistake found.
life&
#039; s situation. After reading about diverse majors, I realized that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
the world of investigation. In that time, I knew that I want to be a stock market trader,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I quit my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
as I could
even though
I did not know the destination of my choice.
However
, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
my whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
journey. Nowadays, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
I
am satisfied
with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a hefty amount of money each and every year.

The second and
equally
far-reaching justification to bear in mind is that risking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
gives individuals the opportunity to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their majors. Elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always say that never reject
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
relationships and be always eager to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
others. As an illustration, my cousin was unsuccessful in his career insomuch as he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that he did not
Possible spelling mistake found.
others&
#039;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. Nonetheless, after experiencing failures in other professions, he acknowledged that his core problem is his lack of social life spanning. He took the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and for one year attended as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
as conferences as he could
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
professionals and strengthen his relations.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, he
is considered
as one of the best entrepreneurs in the country owing to the fact that he
usually
work
collaboratively
and outsources his workload to his colleagues.

In conclusion
, taking all the aforementioned facts into account, I concur with this idealization that for increasing the chances of being more successful,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
ought to be fearless and try
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things.
In that case
, they will increase their experience in numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
which can be helpful for them choosing their most wanted dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Additionally
, this will give them the opportunity to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
seasoned professionals who can contribute and collaborate with them to reach their objectives.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 20 independent agree or not successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they know how to do well v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
505 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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