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Some people claim that it is acceptable to use animals in medical research for the benefit of human beings, while others argue that it is wrong. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people claim that it is acceptable to use animals in medical research for the benefit of human beings, while others argue that it is wrong. v. 2
In the today’s world, technology is very advanced compared with the previous decades. Nowadays, children have their personal mobile phones and also their busy schedule too. They spend more time watching television than they did in comparing with some past years. There are many advantages from that. The foremost is the competitive world. The today’s generation kids will too smart compare with them. They are very familiar with the gadgets in this present world. They like to watch news, discovery, crime series, national geography, brain games etc. So many shows. They like to sharpen their memory and perspicacious in nature. In contrast, the growth of them should actually have is quite lesser than those who are slightly greater than them. They do not have any interested to play the outdoor games like cricket, football, etc. They are not fit as well as healthy as compared to them. Because, of the technology is advancing the children spend a lot of time with their gadgets like iPod, x-box, cell phones, laptops, video games and in television. Moreover, they are not physically fit. Also, the obesity problem for children is highly risk factor for them. To conclude, I suggest children of the today's generation is spending their some time to play outdoor games and do other outdoor activities like cycling, walking etc. Instead of seat in their home and waste their time to watch only televisions. It will be a very huge problem for us in the future if this scenario in children will continue.
In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, technology is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
advanced compared with the previous decades. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have their personal mobile phones and
also
their busy schedule too. They spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching television than they did in
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "compare"?
comparing
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
past years.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages from that. The foremost is the competitive world. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s generation kids will too smart compare with them. They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
familiar with the gadgets in this present world. They like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
news, discovery, crime series, national geography, brain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
. They like to sharpen their memory and perspicacious in nature.

In contrast
, the growth of them should actually have is quite lesser than those who are
slightly
greater than them. They do not have any interested to play the outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like cricket, football, etc.

They are not fit
as well
as healthy as compared to them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, of the technology is advancing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their gadgets like iPod, x-box, cell phones, laptops, video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and in television.
Moreover
, they are not
physically
fit.
Also
, the obesity problem for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is
highly
Consider using a past participle here: "risked".
risk
factor for them.

To conclude
, I suggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's generation is spending their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to play outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and do other outdoor activities like cycling, walking etc.
Instead
of seat in their home and waste their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
televisions. It will be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
huge problem for us in the future if this scenario in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will continue.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Some people claim that it is acceptable to use animals in medical research for the benefit of human beings, while others argue that it is wrong. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
252 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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