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TPO 18 – Independent: A/D? Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends. v.2

TPO 18 – Independent: A/D? Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends. v. 2
Interactions and communications play a decisive role in every individual' s social life. In this regard, people are mostly affected by the ones that have communicated more. In my vantage point, friends have the most effect on each other compared to the teachers. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on my perspective. Friends spend a lot of time together. That is to say, friends are with each other not only at school but also at home. In everyday life, friends have the same pastime and spend a lot of time together so they can affect each other' s behavior during interactions. For example, when I was at high school, my friends and I used to do our homework together and, then, go to play basketball. While we were sparing the time together, we talked a lot about our everyday problems, found solutions, and helped each other. Therefore, I learned that the best way to solve a problem is to consult with someone else. Friends have the same perceptions and perspectives on different issues. In fact, people are absorbed to the person who is the most similar to them and has a broad knowledge of their situation because they can easily confide their issues, secrets, and problems with him. An empirical psychological study indicates that the person who has the same view of the situation can interact with you better and consequently you will accept his opinion and advice because you perceive that he feels the same as you. Teachers communicate with students only at school and do not have enough time to be very effective, as friends are. Teachers may influence the students' future career by educating them, however, the students' social life and behavior will not be affected as much as the friends can influence on it. By and large, students are more influenced by their friends than by their teachers because friends have a lot in common such as the time that the friends spare on the same pastime and diversions, the similar perceptions toward the conditions that they face with. In fact, common activities among friends lead them to have more interactions in comparison to their communication with their teachers in a limited class hours.
Interactions and communications play a decisive role in every
Possible spelling mistake found.
individual&
#039; s social life. In this regard,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the ones that have communicated more. In my vantage point,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
have the most effect on each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on my perspective.

Friends spend a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
together.
That is
to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
at school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
at home. In everyday life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
have the same pastime and spend a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
together
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can affect each
Possible spelling mistake found.
other&
#039; s behavior during interactions.
For example
, when I was at high school, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do our homework together and, then, go to play basketball. While we were sparing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
together, we talked a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
about our everyday problems, found solutions, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Therefore
, I learned that the best way to solve a problem is to consult with someone else.

Friends have the same perceptions and perspectives on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
issues. In fact,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are absorbed
to the person who is the most similar to them and has a broad knowledge of their situation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
easily
confide their issues, secrets, and problems with him. An empirical psychological study indicates that the person who has the same view of the situation can interact with you better and
consequently
you will accept his opinion and advice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you perceive that he feels the same as you.

Teachers communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
at school and do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
may influence the
Possible spelling mistake found.
students&
#039; future career by educating them,
however
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
students&
#039; social life and behavior will not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
as much as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
can influence on it.

By and large,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are more influenced by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
than by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
in common such as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
spare on the same pastime and diversions, the similar perceptions toward the conditions that they face with. In fact, common activities among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
lead them to have more interactions
in comparison
to their communication with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in a limited
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "hour"?
hours
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 18 – Independent: A/D? Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
369 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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