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Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
The rate of crimes in several nations is on the increase. This essay will state the major causes of illegal acts and give a solution to the menace caused by it. It will state that unemployment is the major culprit for increased crime rate and give a solution of providing Job opportunities and empowerment programmes. To begin with, the major reason why crimes seem to be on the rise is because of lack of Jobs. As a result of unavailability of jobs to members of the society, they have resorted to committing petty crimes such as stealing in order to survive. For example illegal activities increased in Malawi after the President cut the budget on Job provisions in 2018. As a result of this, youths were seen roaming the streets and extorting unsuspecting passersby of their hard earned money. Furthermore, a viable way to deal with this menace usurping the nation is the provision of more job opportunities. The government must ensure that more jobs are made available for different cadres of the society in order, to prevent them from being idle. Also, the government can provide empowerment schemes for uneducated citizens in order to counsel them about alternate sources of incomes asides professional jobs. I remember being without Job for 2 years but after attending an empowerment programme where we were taught different skills from makeup to hairdressing. I was able to start my own business with the grant given by the government after the successful completion of the course. This feat would not have been possible without the government creating alternate avenues for Job. To sum up, in order to ameliorate the increased crime rate the government has the sole responsibility of providing more jobs in order to take the youths off the streets.
The rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in several nations is on the increase. This essay will state the major causes of illegal acts and give a solution to the menace caused by it. It will state that unemployment is the major culprit for increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate and give a solution of providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
opportunities and empowerment
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the major reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
seem to be on the rise is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Jobs
.
As a result
of unavailability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to members of the society, they have resorted to committing petty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
such as stealing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to survive.
For example
illegal activities increased in Malawi after the President
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
the budget on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
provisions in 2018.
As a result
of this, youths were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
roaming the streets and extorting unsuspecting passersby of their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
hard earned
money.

Furthermore
, a viable way to deal with this menace usurping the nation is the provision of more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ensure that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are made
available for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cadres of the society in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from being idle.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can provide empowerment schemes for uneducated citizens in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to counsel them about alternate sources of incomes asides professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. I remember being without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
for 2 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after attending an empowerment
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
where we
were taught
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from makeup to hairdressing. I was able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business with the grant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
after the successful completion of the course. This feat would not have been possible without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
creating alternate avenues for Job.

To sum up, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to ameliorate the increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has the sole responsibility of providing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to take the youths off the streets.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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