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TPO 17 independent agree or not most advertisements make products seem much better than they really are v.2

TPO 17 independent agree or not most advertisements make products seem much better than they really are v. 2
Whether manufacturers exaggerate abount their products in their advertisements or not is a convoluted controversy. On the one hand, some people belive that it is actually true inasmuch as the factories have to sell their goods in any possible ways. On the other hand, some individuals think that advertisements are robustly showing the truth about the products because not telling the truth is an insincere action. In my point of view, I am inclined to the former idea in spite of the fact that the latter has more aficionados among people. My answer to this bone of contention is twofold, and in the followimg, the rationale behind it will be elaborated by the most outstanding, solid proofs. The first and foremost rationalization which is worth mentioning is that producers must attract more customers; therefore, they some how have to sugar coat their products; if they do not, they will lose consumers even though this action is not fair. To put it into a more vivid picture, a cheese cake factory in Norway once announced that their cakes have the lowest calorie in comparison with other brands, but their lie was pretty obvious to nutritionists. Ignoring nutritionists' warnings, people consumed that factory' s cakes exessively and put it as a main contributor of their food chain. Consequently, the obesity among Norwegian children increased for 20% between 2010 and 2015, thanks to the misled advertisement of that factory. Fortunately, after this bad experience, their government banned the advertisements aimed to mislead people, especially the children. The second and equally far-reaching explanation to bear in mind is that in today' s competitive market, manufacturers have no other choices instead of showing exaggerated advertisements owing to the fact that they have to compete with others in order to maintain and increase their market share. As an illustration, NOKIA in 2005 introduced a state-of-the-art mobile phone that had a 2 mega pixels camera which was a completely innovative technological device for that era. The managers in their advertisements claimed that this phone is the climax of the mobile indutry and no other companies cannot reach this creation for the next 20 years although in the meanwhile, other anonymous brands like SAMSUNG was selling the same phones. This injusticed advertisements caused a dramatic decrease in other factories' sells and offered a great income for NOKIA. However, after two years, due to their managers' scandals, they annouced their bankrupcy. Afterwards, it was globally accepted that no firms would lie in their advertisements. In conclusion, taking all the aforementioned identifications into account, I concur with this presumption that manufacturers sugar coat their products in their advertisements. They unfortunately have to attract more consumers and have to survive in their competative industry. Even if their goods are satisfactory, they must not mislead people especially innocent kids.
Whether manufacturers exaggerate
abount
their
products
in their
advertisements
or not is a convoluted controversy. On the one hand,
some
people
belive
that it is actually true inasmuch as the
factories
have to
sell their
goods
in any possible ways. On the
other
hand,
some
individuals
think
that
advertisements
are
robustly
showing the truth about the
products
because
not telling the truth is an insincere action. In my point of view, I
am inclined
to the former
idea
in spite of
the fact that the latter has more aficionados among
people
. My answer to this bone of contention is twofold, and in the
followimg
, the rationale behind it will
be elaborated
by the most outstanding, solid proofs.

The
first
and foremost rationalization which is worth mentioning is that producers
must
attract more customers;
therefore
, they
some how
have to
sugar coat their
products
; if they do not, they will lose consumers
even though
this action is not
fair
. To put it into a more vivid picture, a cheese cake
factory
in Norway once announced that their cakes have the lowest calorie
in comparison
with
other
brands,
but
their lie was pretty obvious to nutritionists. Ignoring
nutritionists&
#039; warnings,
people
consumed that
factory&
#039; s cakes
exessively
and put it as a main contributor of their food chain.
Consequently
, the obesity among Norwegian children increased for 20% between 2010 and 2015, thanks to the misled
advertisement of
that
factory
.
Fortunately
, after this
bad
experience, their
government
banned the
advertisements
aimed to mislead
people
,
especially
the children.

The second and
equally
far-reaching explanation to bear in mind is that in
today&
#039; s competitive market, manufacturers have no
other
choices
instead
of showing exaggerated
advertisements
owing to the fact that they
have to
compete with others in order to maintain and increase their market share. As an illustration, NOKIA in 2005 introduced a state-of-the-art mobile phone that had a 2 mega
pixels
camera which was a completely innovative technological device for that era. The managers in their
advertisements
claimed that this phone is the climax of the mobile
indutry
and no
other
companies
cannot reach this creation for the
next
20 years although in the meanwhile,
other
anonymous brands like SAMSUNG was selling the same phones. This
injusticed
advertisements
caused a dramatic decrease in
other
factories&
#039; sells and offered a great income for NOKIA.
However
, after two years, due to their
managers&
#039; scandals, they
annouced
their
bankrupcy
. Afterwards, it was globally
accepted
that no firms would lie in their advertisements.

In conclusion
, taking all the aforementioned identifications into account, I concur with this presumption that manufacturers sugar coat their
products
in their
advertisements
. They unfortunately
have to
attract more consumers and
have to
survive in their
competative
industry. Even if their
goods
are satisfactory, they
must
not mislead
people
especially
innocent kids.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 17 independent agree or not most advertisements make products seem much better than they really are v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
467 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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