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TPO 17 – Independent: A/D? Most advertisements make products seem much better than they really are. v.1

TPO 17 – Independent: A/D? Most advertisements make products seem much better than they really are. v. 1
It can be evidently seen that the population around the globe is rising day by day. The population explosion and its control have become two main hot topics nowadays. Some governments try to fix this issue by adapting various means such as imposing taxes. I am in the favor that it is many a time important to control population by implementing such measures. On one hand, the growth in population is escalating steeply in the countries such as India and China, where around 34% of the world’s population is concentrated. This unchecked rise in population can be rectified by imposing taxes. To illustrate, such a model of taxation is working in China, where the ‘one child policy’ is doing wonders and the whopping overpopulation of China has decreased to only 0. 25% growth per annum which in turn, helped China to emerge as a super power in the past decade. On the other hand, other methods can be introduced by various governments as according to the conditions and circumstances of a particular nation. For instance, a new initiative is taken in many European countries such as Switzerland, where the people are discouraged to have more than two kids by making a precedent of not selling land to anyone having more than two children. Moreover, some other leaderships of the developing countries are encouraging people to adopt the children rather than begetting their own. This, in my opinion, is rather a progressive step which is not only helpful for an individual, but also for a society as a whole. To conclude, albeit it is the duty of the government to keep a check on rising population, it is more the responsibility of citizens instead to act accountably.
It can be
evidently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
around the globe is rising day by day. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
explosion and its control have become two main hot topics nowadays.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
this issue by adapting various means such as imposing taxes. I am in the favor that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
a time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
by implementing such measures.

On one hand, the growth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
is escalating
steeply
in the countries such as India and China, where around 34% of the world’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
is concentrated
. This unchecked rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
can
be rectified
by imposing taxes. To illustrate, such a model of taxation is working in China, where the ‘one child policy’ is doing wonders and the whopping overpopulation of China has decreased to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
0. 25% growth per annum which in turn,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
China to emerge as a super power in the past decade.

On the other hand
, other methods can
be introduced
by various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
as according to the conditions and circumstances of a particular nation.
For instance
, a new initiative
is taken
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
European countries such as Switzerland, where the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are discouraged
to have more than two kids by making a precedent of not selling land to anyone
The pronoun 'anyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
having
more than two children.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other leaderships of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
are encouraging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to adopt the children
rather
than begetting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. This, in my opinion, is
rather
a progressive step which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
helpful for an individual,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for a society as a whole.

To conclude
, albeit it is the duty of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
on rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
, it is more the responsibility of citizens
instead
to act
Possible spelling mistake found.
accountably
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay TPO 17 – Independent: A/D? Most advertisements make products seem much better than they really are. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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