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success is most important in life or people who are happy even when they fail. which one is the best choice from your view point? v.1

success is most important in life or people who are happy even when they fail. which one is the best choice from your view point? v. 1
In some quarters, it is said that raising a new structure on a virgin land is a better option rather than spending allocated funds to refurbish existing monuments or halls. This essay will discuss why existing public structures should be maintained rather than build new ones. Firstly, existing museums or halls are places of history, which has preserved our culture for hundreds of years and one which serves as a point of reference. The continuous maintenance of these public buildings, our cultural heritage is preserved. For example, the famous cathedral church in France was totally burnt, but instead of building it in a new location, it was decided that the building be rebuilt on the same land in order to maintain history. Secondly, in these buildings are located precious items such as paintings, books, etc. Which are items that shouldn't be lost in transit either deliberately through theft or unforeseen circumstances. By building new museum, the movement of these items will be required and some may be lost in transit. A look at what happened in Britain is an example where Queen Elizabeth's father's writings were lost in transit, only to be found in a village in East Germany. Thirdly, tourism is boosted because of these historical places which people have read about on the internet and the pages of newspapers. By building new ones, history will be erased, cultural heritage destroyed and no place for holiday goers to visit. In conclusion, it's advisable to continue to maintain and guild public places where history is kept as this will continue to attract tourists who want to visit for the purpose of seeing the old building rather than build new ones which tourists won't be interested because it has no history.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quarters, it
is said
that raising a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
structure on a virgin land is a better option
rather
than spending allocated funds to refurbish existing monuments or halls. This essay will discuss why existing public structures should
be maintained
rather
than build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
ones.

Firstly
, existing museums or halls are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, which has preserved our culture for hundreds of years and one which serves as a point of reference. The continuous maintenance of these public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
, our cultural heritage
is preserved
.
For example
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
cathedral church in France was
totally
burnt,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
it in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
location, it
was decided
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
be rebuilt on the same land in order to maintain history.

Secondly
, in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are located
precious items such as paintings, books, etc. Which are items that shouldn't
be lost
in transit either
deliberately
through theft or unforeseen circumstances. By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
museum, the movement of these items will
be required
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may
be lost
in transit. A look at what happened in Britain is an example where Queen Elizabeth's father's writings
were lost
in transit,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
be found
in a village in East Germany.

Thirdly
, tourism
is boosted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have read about on the internet and the pages of newspapers. By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
will
be erased
, cultural heritage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
and no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for holiday goers to visit.

In conclusion
, it's advisable to continue to maintain and guild public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
as this will continue to attract tourists who want to visit for the purpose of seeing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
rather
than build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
which tourists won't
be interested
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay success is most important in life or people who are happy even when they fail. which one is the best choice from your view point? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
290 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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