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TPO 16- Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

TPO 16- The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
Nowadays, the vast majority of people depend on using the internet for helping their necessary. One of them is about shopping for the daily needs which is usually easy through the online shop. This also becomes trending topic among society and gives benefits to anyone. In my opinion, there are some harmful effects that could make the greater potential danger than the benefits which will be discussed here. First and foremost, there are several reasons why shopping through the online shops have the great drawbacks. We highlight the additional cost of spending a fee for sending service to a certain place which is often erroneous. Furthermore, if the customers are not familiar with the seller, they would be afraid to be manipulated. Due to the lack of touch and feel of merchandise in online shopping. Certainly, buyers could be satisfied when they know well about the items, yet the lack of interaction between both parts are not sufficient to proof the quality of goods. In case, there is some deception action with the activity of buying online. On the other hand, it can be said that the shopping at the department store outweigh the drawbacks. We point out to the kind of merchandise in the real shop that could be extremely complete and increase the experience of shopping. Moreover, the variety of products are being provided with specific explanation which would guarantee a satisfaction of the customers. This will make them to have a convenience of choice. Another thing is a centrally located, by having shopped at the stores, for instance, at the mall, that includes various kinds of shops in one area, it would encourage shopper to economize their budget on transportation as well as buying any necessity. By way of conclusion, despite the facts that the purchasing by internet is an outstanding among consumers. I believe that shopping at the department store could be more beneficial to the majority of purchasers through having a great experience of shopping, provided a variety of products, convenience of choice and get cost effective at transportation fee. For the wide benefits, they will also increase the economies of bulk purchases in their country.
Nowadays, the vast majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
depend on using the internet for helping their necessary. One of them is about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
for the daily needs which is
usually
easy through the online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
. This
also
becomes trending topic among society and gives benefits to anyone. In my opinion, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
harmful effects that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the greater potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
than the benefits which will
be discussed
here.

First
and foremost, there are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
through the online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
have the great drawbacks. We highlight the additional cost of spending a fee for sending service to a certain place which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
erroneous.
Furthermore
, if the customers are not familiar with the seller, they would be afraid to
be manipulated
. Due to the lack of touch and feel of merchandise in online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Certainly
, buyers could
be satisfied
when they know well about the items,
yet
the lack of interaction between both parts are not sufficient to proof the quality of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. In case, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
deception action with the activity of buying online.

On the other hand
, it can
be said
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
at the department store outweigh the drawbacks. We point out to the kind of merchandise in the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
that could be
extremely
complete and increase the experience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Moreover
, the variety of products are
being provided
with specific explanation which would guarantee a satisfaction of the customers. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them to have a convenience of choice. Another thing is a
centrally
located, by having shopped at the stores,
for instance
, at the mall, that includes various kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
in one area, it would encourage shopper to economize their budget on transportation
as well
as buying any necessity.

By way of conclusion, despite the facts that the purchasing by internet is an outstanding among consumers. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
at the department store could be more beneficial to the majority of purchasers through having a great experience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, provided a variety of products, convenience of choice and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
cost effective at transportation fee. For the wide benefits, they will
also
increase the economies of bulk
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
in their country.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay TPO 16- The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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