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tpo 15 q3The man expresses his opinion about the student’s proposal in the letter. Briefly summarize the proposal. Then state his opinion and explain the reasons he gives for holding that opinion. v.1

tpo 15 q3The man expresses his opinion about the student’s proposal in the letter. Briefly summarize the proposal. Then state his opinion and explain the reasons he gives for holding that opinion. v. 1
Many people believe that phases of life are the one making it worth living for, as some feel their childhood was most memorable time of their lives. While others argue that being grown up has given them a sense of calmness regardless of the duties. I support the view that in spite the responsibilities, adult phase is the most enjoyable time in people's life. Those who advocate adolescent year being the happiest may argue that they had an active body to perform any physical activity, and also may believe that during that time they had no work pressure or worries. For instances, many people are obese during their mid life is because of extensive work pressure and zero movement. Despite to the active body and no pressure, the teenage years are mostly full of insecurities, I have not seen any teen who is not conscious of their look. Puberty hitting during these years makes their life more messy. Therefore, most of the teenagers are in a hurry to become an adult. On the other hand, feeling of grown up itself is satisfactory because one has ample amount of money or is in the path to achieve financial gains, also, the confidence which is because of a complete education and experiences is priceless. During this time we do have too much responsibility such as paying bills and food expenses however it is all done with the sense of maturity and planning. Secondly, after being an adult we hardly have to worry about our looks, by that time most people understand the concept of inner beauty. To conclude this, even though adolescent years have more perks physically and mentally, the adult life is more secure financially and spiritually.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that phases of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
are the one making it worth living for, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feel their childhood was
Did you mean "the most"?
most
memorable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
others argue that
being grown
up has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
them a sense of calmness regardless of the duties. I support the view that in spite the responsibilities, adult phase is the most enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life.

Those who advocate adolescent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
being the happiest may argue that they had an active body to perform any physical activity, and
also
may believe that during that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they had no work pressure or worries. For instances,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are obese during their mid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of extensive work pressure and zero movement. Despite to the active body and no pressure, the teenage years are
mostly
full of insecurities, I have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
any teen who is not conscious of their look. Puberty hitting during these years
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more messy.
Therefore
, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are in a hurry to become an adult.

On the other hand
, feeling of grown up itself is satisfactory
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
one has ample amount of money or is in the path to achieve financial gains,
also
, the confidence which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a complete education and experiences is priceless. During this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
we do have too much responsibility such as paying bills and food expenses
however
it is all done with the sense of maturity and planning.
Secondly
, after being an adult we hardly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about our looks, by that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
understand the concept of inner beauty.

To conclude
this,
even though
adolescent years have more perks
physically
and mentally, the adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is more secure
financially
and
spiritually
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay tpo 15 q3The man expresses his opinion about the student’s proposal in the letter. Briefly summarize the proposal. Then state his opinion and explain the reasons he gives for holding that opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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