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TPO 15- Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at young age. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.4

TPO 15- In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at young age. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 4
At this century, parents should teach their children to live financially independent and responsible because they have to deal with different difficulties alone and there may be no support from family members. That is to say that young people tend to live alone or study abroad by themselves. Thus this is of great importance to get vital lessons to cope with all the potential situations. When it comes to the idea of learning to control money at younger ages, controversy surrounds the issue of whether parents ought to let their kids get this lesson at younger ages or not? I am of the opinion that parents have to instruct their youngsters to be in control of all financial situations, and further explanations will elaborate on this matter. One of the most remarkable aspects of the topic which needs a keen contemplation is that young people become more responsible about their personal life and also they can plan for their future accordingly. In essence, they appreciate the value of their money and learn that they can save this amount for other important things to spend. Moreover, children learn when they are young with fresh brains, and everything they learn is stamped in their young mind. Take my personal experience for instance. When I was nine my parent gave me the money to buy my stuff, In fact, I got the responsibility to pay for anything I wanted. It was a great lesson because I wasted all I had on unnecessary things like toys and games, thus at first step, I screwed up. However, after a while, I got the point that I should manage my money on all my demands. Another noticeable aspect of the ongoing discussion which demands to be reflected is that by managing their money, children will learn to work hard to gain more money to raise their financial status. If youngsters realize how precious the lesson of controlling the money is in their life, they would never waste what they have earned with the difficulties. In fact, this can make them motivated that by working hard and managing their monetary matters they can achieve to higher financial situations. Paradoxically, there are some justifications by one who argues that kids may waste their time if they pay attention to the financial issues. This manner may be real when they put more value on the money than their lessons. Therefore, parents should be wary of the possible side effects and observe their kids reaction by assessing their class performance. By the points mentioned above, I am pretty convinced that there are many good reasons to support the idea of teaching children to gear their money because they can learn how to be more responsible towards their life, and also they perceive the value of the money more. However, children should pay more attention to their classes and assignments than monetary affairs.
At this century,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
financially
independent and responsible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
difficulties alone and there may be no support from family members.
That is
to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone or study abroad by themselves.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
this is of great importance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
to cope with all the potential situations. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of learning to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
at younger ages, controversy surrounds the issue of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
ought to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
at younger ages or not? I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
instruct their youngsters to be in control of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
situations, and
further
explanations will elaborate on this matter.

One of the most remarkable aspects of the topic which needs a keen contemplation is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
become more responsible about their personal life and
also
they can plan for their future
accordingly
. In essence, they appreciate the value of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
that they can save this amount for other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things to spend.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
when they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
with fresh brains, and everything they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
is stamped
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
mind. Take my personal experience
for instance
. When I was nine my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
gave me the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
my stuff, In fact, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the responsibility to pay for anything I wanted. It was a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I wasted all I had on unnecessary things like toys and games,
thus
at
first
step, I screwed up.
However
, after a while, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the point that I should manage my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on all my demands.

Another noticeable aspect of the ongoing discussion which demands to
be reflected
is that by managing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to gain more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to raise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
status. If youngsters realize how precious the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
of controlling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is in their life, they would never waste what they have earned with the difficulties. In fact, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them motivated that by working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and managing their monetary matters they can achieve to higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
situations.

Paradoxically
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
justifications by one who argues that kids may waste their time if they pay attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
issues. This manner may be real when they put more value on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should be wary of the possible side effects and observe their kids reaction by assessing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
performance.

By the points mentioned above, I am pretty convinced that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reasons to support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to gear their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to be more responsible towards their life, and
also
they perceive the value of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
more.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should pay more attention to their classes and assignments than monetary affairs.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 15- In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at young age. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
482 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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