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TPO 13Do you agree or disagree? The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past? v.1

TPO 13 The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past? v. 1
Nowadays, no one can deny the importance of family. Some people may hold the opinion that extended family is not imprtant as the past. But others have a negative attitude. As far as I am concerned, I disagree with the first opinion because, obviously, if you have larger family then you have more friends, happier life and you can learn more thing during your life. I will try to exmine my specific reasons for the importance of having large family according to which I think are the most common viewpoints today. First let us look at what a person can typically gain in largher family. It goes without saying that, larger family means more friends. Having more friends causes less bad feeling in your life, and you do not have to spend your invaluable time alone. By way of illustration, I live in a culture that having large family is prevalent and there is good relationship between grandparents, cousins and other members of extended family. So, I have many friends among these people. In other hand, my classmate in university has a very smaller family and he think he become isolated from other people because he has not more friends. There is also a more subtle point we must consider. Related to my first result in extended family you have more and more enjoyful times. Due to have many friends, you can experience more disport and recreate. Assorted factors makes our life more desirable if we be relate with another members of extended family. Take our family for example again, we often go to many places such as cinema, park and shopping together and it is useful and help for having high quality of lifestyle. Finally, I cannot oversee the fact that if you have more family member near to you and communicate with many of them, you can learn many valuable lessons from their experiences. To shed more light on the issue, according to the result of the study done in Tehran University, not only extended family help you to have better social ability in society, but also it aim you to have less mistake in your dicisions because you can learn from others about thier faults and mistakes. Drawing upon the reasons, although there are always some exceptions which are excluded from the general rule, I do agree that the merits of extended family is more than its dismerits. To recapitulate the reasons, not only extended family help you to have more friends, but also it is useful for happeir and joyful life and learning many experiences.
Nowadays, no one can deny the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may hold the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is not
Possible spelling mistake found.
imprtant
as the past.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
others have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
attitude. As far as I
am concerned
, I disagree with the
first
opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
obviously
, if you have larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
then you have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, happier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and you can learn more thing during your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. I will try to
Possible spelling mistake found.
exmine
my specific reasons for the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
according to which I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
are the most common viewpoints
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

First
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us look at what a person can
typically
gain in
Possible spelling mistake found.
largher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. It goes without saying that, larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
means more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Having
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
causes less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
feeling in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, and you do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend your invaluable time alone. By way of illustration, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a culture that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is prevalent and there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship between grandparents, cousins and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
members of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
among these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, my classmate in university has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
smaller
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
family and
he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "thinks", "thought".
think
he become isolated from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he has not more friends.

There is
also
a more subtle point we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consider. Related to my
first
result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
you have more and more
Possible spelling mistake found.
enjoyful
times. Due to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, you can experience more disport and recreate. Assorted factors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more desirable if we be
Consider using a past participle here: "related".
relate
with another members of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Take our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
for example
again, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
go to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places such as cinema, park and shopping together and it is useful and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
high quality of lifestyle.

Finally
, I cannot oversee the fact that if you have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member near to you and communicate with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them, you can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
valuable lessons from their experiences. To shed more light on the issue, according to the result of the study done in Tehran University, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to have better social ability in society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it
Did you mean "aims"?
aim
you to have less mistake in your
Possible spelling mistake found.
dicisions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you can learn from others about
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
faults and mistakes.

Drawing upon the reasons, although there are always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exceptions which
are excluded
from the general
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is more than its
Possible spelling mistake found.
dismerits
. To recapitulate the reasons, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it is useful for
Possible spelling mistake found.
happeir
and joyful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
experiences.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 13 The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
429 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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