Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Nowadays most people learn academic study in university, but others think we should encourage to learn vocational skills more, do you agree or disagree? v.2

Nowadays most people learn academic study in university, but others think we should encourage to learn vocational skills more, v. 2
The idea that whether the studying of academic knowledge is superior to learning vocational training has remained a source of controversy. While I accept that focusing on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career is associated with some benefits, I contend that the priority of academic study is far more advantageous. On the one hand, there are two compelling reasons as to why I concede that there are a few merits to advocate vocational training. From the perspective of learners, zeroing in on vocational skills can help them secure well-paid jobs quickly compared with those who are specialists. This is because those who study job-related education tend to be educated in the less time period than university students. Another convincing reason is that stimulating to learn vocational skills may exert positive effects on the balance of the workforce in the community. To explain, in many third-world countries there is a scarcity of the skilled/competent workers which only be resolved if the government prioritizes vocational training. What I want to rebut, however, is that the immense value of academic study at university cannot be ignored. The most glaring merit is that those who receive a university education have plenty of room for career development. This is because they have access to rich knowledge and manifold techniques which are significant for their works in the future. In addition, studying at a university can provide students with not only career-oriented knowledge but also other experience and skills such as self-care, communication, and time-management skills. University students, as a consequence, may have unlimited potentials in various aspects and be overall development person. In conclusion, although job-related training is associated with some benefits such as helping learner get jobs quickly, my stand is that compared with vocational training schools, receiving university education is more feasible and rational because it helps students become a person with rich knowledge as well as accomplish comprehensive development.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that whether the studying of academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
is superior to learning vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
has remained a source of controversy. While I accept that focusing on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career
is associated
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits, I contend that the priority of academic study is far more advantageous.

On the one hand, there are two compelling reasons as to why I concede that there are a few merits to advocate vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
. From the perspective of learners, zeroing in on vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them secure well-paid jobs
quickly
compared with those who are specialists. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those who study job-related education tend to
be educated
in the less time period than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Another convincing reason is that stimulating to learn vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
may exert
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on the balance of the workforce in the community. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
third-world countries there is a scarcity of the skilled/competent workers which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be resolved
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
prioritizes vocational training.

What I want to rebut,
however
, is that the immense value of academic study at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
. The most glaring merit is that those who receive a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of room for career development. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have access to rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and manifold techniques which are significant for their works in the future.
In addition
, studying at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
can provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
career-oriented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
other experience and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as self-care, communication, and time-management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, as a consequence, may have unlimited potentials in various aspects and be
overall
development person.

In conclusion
, although job-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
is associated
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits such as helping learner
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
jobs
quickly
, my stand is that compared with vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
schools, receiving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education is more feasible and rational
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
become a person with rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
as well
as accomplish comprehensive development.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays most people learn academic study in university, but others think we should encourage to learn vocational skills more, v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts