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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People who benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. v.671

People who benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. v. 671
Nowadays, no one can deny the importance of traveling. Some people may hold the opinion that it is better for people to travel in own country. But others have a negative attitude. As far as I am concerned, obviously, if people have a trip to another country, they learn many new things, have wider culture and more relationship and communication. My reasons and samples listed below will demonstrate my point according to the most common viewpoints. First let us look at what a person can gain by a journy to foreign country. Learning new things about other countries such as their foods, their historical buildings and their natures is essential for everyone because by getting more and more information, people will have wider mind. By way of illustration, when I traveled to Italy last year, I learn many new culinaries including pitazas and pastas. There is also a more subtle point we must consider. Each country has special culture and if people see other cultures, they can improve own culture and nothing is important for one country as culture is. Taking asian countries for example, there are many countries in south asia that had lower culture in the past but today thanks to traveling to developed country they have invaluable culture among their own people. Finally, I cannot oversee the fact that going to different country means more relationships and better commuinication. To shed more light on the issue, according to the result of the study done in Tehran University, people who travel to another country communicate with other people easier, and all of them thanks to having more realtionship are more able to get a good position in their jobs, and also, they have happeir life than others who travel only in thier own country. In other hand, peolpe who travel only in their own country have less chance in career and have less ability in social activity than other groups. Drawing upon the reasons, although there are always some exceptions which are excluded from the general rule, I do agree that the benefits of traveling abroad is much better because they bring wider culture for people and also, they can learn more and experience more relationship.
Nowadays, no one can deny the importance of traveling.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may hold the opinion that it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
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travel
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
others have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
attitude. As far as I
am concerned
,
obviously
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a trip to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, they learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new things, have wider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and more relationship and communication. My reasons and samples listed below will demonstrate my point according to the most common viewpoints.

First
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us look at what a person can gain by a
Possible spelling mistake found.
journy
to foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Learning new things about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as their foods, their historical buildings and their natures is essential for everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
by getting more and more information,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have wider mind. By way of illustration, when I traveled to Italy last year, I learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new
Possible spelling mistake found.
culinaries
including
Possible spelling mistake found.
pitazas
and pastas.

There is
also
a more subtle point we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consider. Each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and nothing is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is. Taking
Possible spelling mistake found.
asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
south asia
that had lower
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culture
in the past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
thanks to traveling to developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
they have invaluable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
among their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Finally
, I cannot oversee the fact that going to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
means more relationships and better
Possible spelling mistake found.
commuinication
. To shed more light on the issue, according to the result of the study done in Tehran University,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easier, and all of them thanks to having more
Possible spelling mistake found.
realtionship
are more able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
position in their jobs, and
also
, they have
Possible spelling mistake found.
happeir
life than others who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In
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other
hand,
Possible spelling mistake found.
peolpe
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
have less chance in career and have less ability in social activity than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
groups.

Drawing upon the reasons, although there are always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exceptions which
are excluded
from the general
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the benefits of traveling abroad is much better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they bring wider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
also
, they can learn more and experience more relationship.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay People who benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. v. 671

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
368 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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