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TPO 13 2 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement The extended family grandparents cousins aunts and uncles is less important now than it was in the past v.2

TPO 13 2 The extended family grandparents cousins aunts and uncles is less important now than it was in the past v. 2
We live in a very fast world that is changing instantly in every aspect including material issues or spiritual ones. So it is normal if relationships change because people and their issues are changing. Our planet has plenty of people who have different notions, religions, cultures, virtues, etc. The place where people live will affect their thoughts and beliefs so we can' t say any absolute ideas about these kind of matters. For instance, in my country it is our duty to be in touch and meet our relatives even our extended family because it comes from our religion. So in our country we can see relationships with extended family less affected by time because it is a kind of virtue. Though generally speaking we can say extended family is less important nowadays because of some reasons. First, people are really busy more than what people were in the past and it has some causes like the worse financial situation comparing with past. For example I heard that in the past in my country if a person in one family worked he could afford all expenses of entire family easily and they could live with an acceptable level of well-being. But now all members should work just to get primary needs for life like food or shelter. Consequently, in this severe situation we can' t even communicate with our close relatives so the importance of extended family will miss gradually. Moreover, people are more knowledgeable today and they think about their life style and they are looking for possible ways to increase their chance to have a happy life. Some persons may find it a time consuming process to keep their touch with plenty of people. In these kind of cases they will start to prioritize the significance of relatives in order to save time and energy for themselves. It is picturesquely expected that people have less desire to keep their communication with extended family rather than their close friends and main family. I didn' t see previous generation and their behavior but from my heard points I can assert the importance of extended family decreased in recent years and they are not respected like past. Anyway this is just a general idea and it can' t work for all people all over the globe. More evidences and researches are required in order to draw a certain conclusion.
We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
world
that is
changing
instantly
in every aspect including material issues or spiritual ones.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is normal if relationships
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their issues are changing.

Our planet has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
notions, religions, cultures, virtues, etc. The place where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
will affect their thoughts and beliefs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we
Possible spelling mistake found.
can&
#039; t say any absolute
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
about
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of matters.
For instance
, in my country it is our duty to be in touch and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
our relatives even our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from our religion.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in our country we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
relationships with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a kind of virtue. Though
generally
speaking we can say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
really
busy more than what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
and it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes like the worse financial situation comparing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. For
The comma is probably missing here: "example, I".
example I
heard that in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
in my country if a person in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
worked he could afford all expenses of entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
easily and
they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with an acceptable level of well-being.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
all members should work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
primary needs for life like food or shelter.
Consequently
, in this severe situation we
Possible spelling mistake found.
can&
#039; t even communicate with our close relatives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
will miss
gradually
.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more knowledgeable
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
today and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their life
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
style and
they are looking for possible ways to increase their chance to have a happy life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
persons may find it a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
process to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their touch with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of cases they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to prioritize the significance of relatives in order to save time and energy for themselves. It is
picturesquely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have less desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their communication with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
rather
than their close friends and main family.

I
Possible spelling mistake found.
didn&
#039; t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
previous generation and their behavior
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
from my heard points I can assert the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
decreased in recent
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
years and
they are not respected like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. Anyway this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a general
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and it
Possible spelling mistake found.
can&
#039; t work for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the globe. More evidences and researches
are required
in order to draw a certain conclusion.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay TPO 13 2 The extended family grandparents cousins aunts and uncles is less important now than it was in the past v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
398 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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