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TPO 12 - It is better to have broad knowledge of many academic subjects than to specialize in one specific subject. v.2

TPO 12 - It is better to have broad knowledge of many academic subjects than to specialize in one specific subject. v. 2
There is no doubt that nowadays, having broad knowledge especially in academic area is crucially important. In this regard some people are inclined toward the opinion that having deep knowledge in one area is better than having shallow awareness in various facet whereas others hold exactly the opposite perspective, believing that people who are knowledgeable about different academic subjects have a considerable potential to be prosperous. From my vantage point, it will be extremely beneficial to learn different academic subjects since it will improve student' s ability which they will apply in their future job or careers, researches and decisions. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on my perspectives for acquiring extensive knowledge. One of the reasons that immediately comes to mind is that widespread knowledge leads to vast job opportunities since majority of employers ask applicants for variety of skills. For example, economic advisor requires considerable knowledge about people' s consumption culture, political parties and statistics. In this case, if an economics students just focus on one subject like statistics, he would not find good career because he is unable to combine aforementioned skills and utilize them at work. On the other hand, if he gains pertinent information in various subject like culture, policy and quantitative statistics, he could get the job position. That means that the more academic subjects you learn, the more job opportunity you find. Another equally important reason is that extensive knowledge facilitate researches and studies. Relevant statistic in the US reveal that interdisciplinary studies have been expanding and developing, accordingly scholars need enormous information in different aspects. Take marketing researches for instance. For carrying out the research, you should be knowledgeable about marketing as your main subject and other related subjects such as anthropology, psychology, computer science and economics. So if you have the required information, you could conduct the research easily and in the short time but if you just have information about marketing major, you should waste your time on learning mentioned aspects which are time consuming. Thus, broad knowledge helps scholars to do thoroughly their researches and save their precious time. The last but not least reason is that comprehensive knowledge is integral part of any decision. It means making decision is positively effected by level of our knowledge. Empirical studies show that manager who has diversified resume has experience and knowledge in several aspects, makes his decisions appropriately and accurately. Hence, he is familiar with different aspects and his perspective is wider. For example, chief executer in a company is going to decide about development plan. In this case, she has to factor a lot of subjects in her decision, such as budgeting, financing methods and financial resources. In this regard, if she has not sufficient information about the subjects, she will take the wrong path. Thus, extensive knowledge reduces our decision errors and increases the quality of management. To wrap it up, I deeply believe that having encyclopedic knowledge of various academic subjects is useful, helpful and practical for individuals. Vast knowledge helps us to find top job positions, carry out extensive research and make correct decisions. Thus by learning different aspects of knowledge, we can make our future life more brilliant and thriving.
There is no doubt that nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
broad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
especially
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
area is
crucially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. In this regard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are inclined
toward the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
deep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
in one area is better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
shallow awareness in various facet whereas others hold exactly the opposite perspective, believing that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are knowledgeable about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
have a considerable potential to be prosperous. From my vantage point, it will be
extremely
beneficial to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
since it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
Possible spelling mistake found.
student&
#039; s ability which they will apply in their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or careers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on my perspectives for acquiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extensive
knowledge.

One of the reasons that immediately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to mind is that widespread
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
leads to vast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities since
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
employers ask applicants for variety of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, economic advisor requires considerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s consumption culture, political parties and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statistics
.
In this case
, if an economics students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
focus on one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statistics
, he would not find
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he is unable to combine aforementioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and utilize them at work.
On the other hand
, if he gains pertinent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
like culture, policy and quantitative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statistics
, he could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
position. That means that the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
you learn, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunity you find.

Another
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
facilitate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
and studies. Relevant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statistic
in the US reveal that interdisciplinary studies have been expanding and developing,
accordingly
scholars need enormous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
. Take marketing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
for instance
. For carrying out the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
, you should be knowledgeable about marketing as your main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
and other related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as anthropology, psychology, computer science and economics.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
if you have the required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, you could conduct the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
easily
and in the short time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about marketing major, you should waste your time on learning mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
which are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
.
Thus
, broad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
scholars to do
thoroughly
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
and save their precious time.

The last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
reason is that comprehensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
is integral part of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
. It means making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
is
positively
effected by level of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
. Empirical studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that manager who has diversified resume has experience and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
in several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
appropriately
and
accurately
.
Hence
, he is familiar with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
and his perspective is wider.
For example
, chief
Possible spelling mistake found.
executer
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is going to decide about development plan.
In this case
, she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
factor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
, such as budgeting, financing methods and financial resources. In this regard, if she has not sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, she will take the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
path.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
errors and increases the quality of management.

To wrap it up, I
deeply
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
encyclopedic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is useful, helpful and practical for individuals. Vast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
In informal texts, 'to' is not necessary. Do you mean "helps us find"?
helps us to find
top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
positions, carry out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
correct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
by learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our future life more brilliant and thriving.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
74Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 12 - It is better to have broad knowledge of many academic subjects than to specialize in one specific subject. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
536 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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