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tpo 06life today is easier and more comfortable than it was when your grandparents were children. v.2

tpo 06life today is easier and more comfortable than it was when your grandparents were children. v. 2
Whether living in today' s societies is easier or it was more pleasant in the past is a convoluted question and has been a matter of argumentation among people for a long time. On one hand, some individuals concede that living in the past was easier because there were no stresses at that time. On the other hand, others believe that todays lifestyles are better since men and women have more hobbies to do and everything have been discovered. Personally, I acknowledge the former idea in spite of the fact that the latter one is more interesting and has more aficionados. My answer to this debating bone of contention is twofold. The rationale behind my choice will be elaborated by the most outstanding, solid proofs. First of all, the medical innovations have benefited humans and cured a preponderance of diseases from which people used to die easily in the past. Researchers from RMIT university of Astralia have found that the discovery of " Penyseline" have prevented the death of almost one billion patients since the begining of 19 centry. As an illustration, my little brother suffered from lung cancer when he was 12; however, the duration of his cure was only two months, and he was released from hospital afterwards. Conversely, as my granmother told me a story of her young offspring, he died because of a simple headache when he was five-years-old. This example shows that lack of medical developments were one of the highest resaults of deaths in the past. Secondly, technological advances have benefited mankind in this new era even though they may caused the disappearance of some traditional jobs. These advances have made new diverse job opportunities for youngesters and even adolescents. The introduction on computers, for instance, have created about one hunder new job titles. My roommate is a " quant" who is a professional programmer in financial industry and works for brokers which are specialized in stock markets. In contrast, adults in the past could only seek their fortunes in industrialized factories at best, and they hardly could start their own businesses insomuch as there were not different demands for their products and ideas. Scholars recognize that technology will have introduced 200 hundred new job titles by the end of 2050; this achievment could not be accomplished before this era. Additionally, these new opportunities increase the level of our living, so we can spend our time and money on the things we like more than our ancestors owing to the fact that there were not enough jobs in their time. In conclusion, according to the abovementioned rationalizations and facts, living in this new world it better, in comparison with the time when our grandparents were young. Medical discoveries and inventories have prevented many inocents individuals from death. Moreover, technological developments have created scores of jobs for adults. Still, my opinion must not be considered as the only correct answer insomuch as hypotheses for this subject are not completely mutually exculsive. Neither my identifications are robustly true, nor do others have to be worried if their ideas are not the same as mine.
Whether
living
in
today&
#039; s societies is easier or it was more pleasant in the
past
is a convoluted question and has been a matter of argumentation among
people
for a long
time
. On one hand,
some
individuals concede that
living
in the
past
was easier
because
there were no
stresses
at that
time
.
On the other hand
, others believe that
todays
lifestyles are better since
men
and women have more hobbies to do and everything have
been discovered
.
Personally
, I acknowledge the former
idea
in spite of
the fact that the latter one is more interesting and has more aficionados. My answer to this debating bone of contention is twofold. The rationale behind my choice will
be elaborated
by the most outstanding, solid proofs.

First of all
, the medical innovations have benefited humans and cured a preponderance of diseases from which
people
used
to
die
easily
in the
past
. Researchers from
RMIT
university of
Astralia
have found that the discovery of
&quot
;
Penyseline&quot
; have
prevented
the death of almost one billion patients since the
begining
of 19
centry
. As an illustration, my
little
brother suffered from lung cancer when he was 12;
however
, the duration of his cure was
only
two months, and he
was released
from hospital afterwards.
Conversely
, as my
granmother
told
me a story of her young offspring, he
died
because
of a simple headache when he was five-years-
old
. This example
shows
that lack of medical developments were one of the highest
resaults
of deaths in the past.

Secondly
, technological advances have benefited mankind in this
new
era
even though
they may
caused
the disappearance of
some
traditional
jobs
. These advances have made
new
diverse
job
opportunities for
youngesters
and even adolescents. The introduction on computers,
for instance
, have created about one
hunder
new
job
titles. My roommate is a
&quot
;
quant&quot
; who is a professional programmer in financial industry and works for brokers which
are specialized
in stock markets.
In contrast
, adults in the
past
could
only
seek their fortunes in industrialized factories at best, and they hardly could
start
their
own
businesses insomuch as there were not
different
demands for their products and
ideas
. Scholars recognize that technology will have introduced 200 hundred
new
job
titles by the
end
of 2050; this
achievment
could not
be accomplished
before
this era.
Additionally
, these
new
opportunities increase the level of our
living
,
so
we can spend our
time
and money on the things we like more than our ancestors owing to the fact that there were not
enough
jobs
in their time.

In conclusion
, according to the
abovementioned
rationalizations and facts,
living
in this
new
world it better,
in comparison
with the
time
when our grandparents were young. Medical discoveries and inventories have
prevented
many
inocents
individuals from death.
Moreover
, technological developments have created scores of
jobs
for adults.
Still
, my opinion
must
not
be considered
as the
only
correct answer insomuch as hypotheses for this subject are not completely
mutually
exculsive
. Neither my identifications are
robustly
true, nor do others
have to
be worried
if their
ideas
are not the same as mine.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Mistakes

IELTS essay tpo 06life today is easier and more comfortable than it was when your grandparents were children. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
518 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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