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Some people store personal and private information online including banking contacts and addresses Is it a positive or negative trend v.2

Some people store personal and private information online including banking contacts and addresses Is it a positive or negative trend v. 2
We have witnessed that the rapid advancement of technology has brought benefits to our society. In this essay, I will look into the phenomenon and discuss the possible effects. There are certainly some benefits of storing personal and private information online. One of the merits is that individuals can save more time. When a person trying to buy branded products from websites such as eBay and Amazon each time, they will need to fill up their personal details which includes credit card number, contact number and residential address. Therefore, storing personal information on computers allow people save time. Another benefit is that individuals can access their personal information through devices anywhere and anytime. By simply logging in the bank account on computers, individuals can obtain their personal information easily when they need. As a result, people are no longer need to remember all the details. However, there are pitfalls as well. To begin with, the risk of financial loss. Due to living in fast paced lifestyle, employees are often using random computers to do some transactions. In most cases, employees usually forget to logout their account after they completed those transactions. It is therefore a high risk of losing money. Apart from this, once an individual personal information hacked, he will get into troubles. As living in rapid advancement of society, hackers can easily often from many devices. Therefore, if hackers hacked a person private details, they are able to purchase goods under the personal name. In conclusion, there are positives and negatives of storing personal and private information online. However, everyone should beware of using random computers in order to keep the personal details safe.
We have witnessed that the rapid advancement of technology has brought benefits to our society. In this essay, I will look into the phenomenon and discuss the possible effects.

There are
certainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits of storing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
and private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
online. One of the merits is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
can save more time. When a person trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
branded products from websites such as eBay and Amazon each time, they will need to fill up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
which includes credit card number, contact number and residential address.
Therefore
, storing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on computers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
save time. Another benefit is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
can access their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
through devices anywhere and anytime. By
simply
logging in the bank account on computers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
can obtain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
easily
when they need.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are no longer need to remember all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

However
, there are pitfalls
as well
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of financial loss. Due to living in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced lifestyle, employees are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
using random computers to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
transactions.
In most cases
, employees
usually
forget to
Did you mean the verb "log out" instead of the noun 'logout'?
logout
their account after they completed those transactions. It is
therefore
a high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of losing money. Apart from this, once an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
hacked, he will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into troubles. As living in rapid advancement of society, hackers can
easily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
devices.
Therefore
, if hackers hacked a person private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
under the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
name.

In conclusion
, there are positives and negatives of storing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
and private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
online.
However
, everyone should beware of using random computers in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
safe.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people store personal and private information online including banking contacts and addresses Is it a positive or negative trend v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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