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TPO 02 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

TPO 02 It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
Nowadays parents are very busy with their work and they have no time to spend with their children. Due to this, the crime rate increase among youngsters who are under the age of 18. More than few psychologists believe that youngsters are not acquiring the social and emotional learning which were essential for parents and teacher. I completely agree with this view because children are learning everything from others. In this modern era, if the both parents are working, then it would be a great benefit for their children's future because of this, many parents concentrate on their work. Furthermore, children are missing their informal education, which will create some bad thought to enjoy themselves. For instance, children habit is copying others, whether it is good or bad things and this intimating pattern creates their future. Apart from that, they are extremely satisfied when they are use electronic device and this will separate from the social Teachers have the same responsibilities to make a great child. Children learn only informal education from their parents, but this is not enough to manage. Some staffs are very cruel to adolescents when they are not studying well. Many teachers behaviour were good when they teach to high grade students while, it is different for low grades. This difference creates a mental problem which will lead them to criminal or violent behaviour. In recent researchers in Finnland shows children who have a great bond between the parents and the teacher, they will probably succeed in their life To conclude, youngsters fate depends on their parents and teachers because they can make them or break them.
Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy with their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they have no time to spend with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Due to this, the crime rate increase among youngsters who are under the age of 18. More than few psychologists believe that youngsters are not acquiring the social and emotional learning which were essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are learning everything from others.

In this modern era, if the both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are working, then it would be a great benefit for their children's future
because of this
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
concentrate on their work.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are missing their informal education, which will create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to enjoy themselves.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
habit is copying others, whether it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things and this intimating pattern creates their future. Apart from that, they are
extremely
satisfied when they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
electronic device and this will separate from the social

Teachers have the same responsibilities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a great child.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
informal education from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to manage.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
staffs are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
cruel to adolescents when they are not studying well.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "teachers'" or "teacher's"?
teachers
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
when they teach to high grade students while, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
for low grades. This difference creates a mental problem which will lead them to criminal or violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. In recent researchers in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Finnland
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who have a great bond between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
, they will
probably
succeed in their life

To conclude
, youngsters fate depends on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them or break them.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 02 It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
271 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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