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Some people think that in the modern worldwe are more dependent on each other, whileothers think that people have become moreindependent. Discuss both views and give yourown opinion. v.2

Some people think that in the modern worldwe are more dependent on each other, whileothers think that people have become moreindependent. v. 2
People have different views about whether we are more or less depend on each other nowadays. In my opinion, modern life forces people to become more and more independent than they were in the past. On the first hand, there are two reasons why it could be argued that we are more dependent on each other now. First, life is getting more and more complex and hectic day after day, especially because of the cost. Living cost for example, which is rising dramatically. Most of people cannot handle the cost by themselves. For that reason, both parent have to do a full-time work in order to tackle the living problems as well as to pay for their children’s educational tuition fees. Second, it is extremely challenged for young people, especially senior to get a job as soon as they graduate university. Thus, it is obviously reasonable for those young people to rely on their relatives in order to get nomination letter or start their career in their acquaintance’s company. Plus, instead of a bank people could borrow money from their friends or their relatives with lower interest rate. On the other hand, people have to be conscious that they cannot usually count on family to live their own life as much as they used to, especially when they live abroad. For example, some oversea students are able to live independently without the supplies of their family, they could do part-time jobs to pay for the food and other costs, and those students got scholarship to handle the tuition fees. Technology is a factor that makes people nowadays become more independent. People could use technology in most of their routine from work to play. Therefore, with technology majority of people prefer live far away from their hometown or their country to acknowledge new things and become independently live their own live. In conclusion, while there are some reasons about how modern life makes us depend on each other. In my view, I believe that we are more independent than ever.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about whether we are more or less depend on each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nowadays. In my opinion, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
forces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become more and more independent than they were in the past.

On the
first
hand, there are two reasons why it could
be argued
that we are more dependent on each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is getting more and more complex and hectic day after day,
especially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
. Living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
for example
, which is rising
dramatically
. Most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot handle the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
by themselves. For that reason, both parent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do a full-time work in order to tackle the living problems
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
to pay for their children’s educational tuition fees. Second, it is
extremely
challenged for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
senior to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they graduate university.
Thus
, it is
obviously
reasonable for those young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to rely on their relatives in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
nomination letter or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their career in their acquaintance’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. Plus,
instead
of a bank
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could borrow money from their friends or their relatives with lower interest rate.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be conscious that they cannot
usually
count on family to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as much as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to,
especially
when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
abroad.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
oversea students are able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
independently
without the supplies of their family, they could do part-time jobs to pay for the food and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
, and those students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
scholarship to handle the tuition fees. Technology is a factor that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays become more independent.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
technology in most of their routine from work to play.
Therefore
, with technology majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
far away from their hometown or their country to acknowledge new things and become
independently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

In conclusion
, while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons about how modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us depend on each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. In my view, I believe that we are more independent than ever.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that in the modern worldwe are more dependent on each other, whileothers think that people have become moreindependent. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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