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Tourism is becoming increasingly important as a source of revenue to many countries, but its disadvantages should not be overlooked. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Tourism is becoming increasingly important as a source of revenue to many countries, but its disadvantages should not be overlooked. v. 3
Travelling by plane has become more affordable under the help of modern technology, people tend to go aboard for their vocations; therefore, tourism is booming in many countries worldwide. Meanwhile,   the negative impacts on local communities brought by tourists should be assessed. To start with, it is a fact that tourists could disturb local residents daily life activities, even though they create revenue incomes for local governments. Local entertainment activities and festivals events hold to attract more visitors will create some inconvenience to local residents in many ways.   For example, vehicles hired for visitors will lead to traffic congestion. The festival activities will cause traffic jams and disturb residents' routine daily life as well. Moreover, local native resources will be redistributed to meet the demand of visitors, which will result in higher prices or shortage for local residents. In addition, increasing visitors in many countries may lead to many illegal activities in local communities. For example, with the increasing night shows in bars, substance use and crime rate may surge up in the regions. Furthermore, local residents will be influenced by the novel ideas brought by visitors, which may lead to their personal valves change as well. Local residents, especially the youth, might pick up harmful habits from visitors, such as substance use,  or smoking. In summary, tourism will contribute to the local economy; however, it also disturbs local residents' traditional daily lives due to tourist activities. Without strict guiding tourists, they also create many potential illegal issues when they enjoy their happy hours.  Therefore, local governments should provide safety instruction for visitors and assist tourism companies to establish the right agenda for visitors to follow.
Travelling by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
has become more affordable under the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of modern technology,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to go aboard for their vocations;
therefore
, tourism is booming in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries worldwide. Meanwhile,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities brought by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
should
be assessed
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, it is a fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
could disturb
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
daily life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
even though
they create revenue incomes for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Local
entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and festivals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
hold to attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
will create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
inconvenience to local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
For example
, vehicles hired for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
will lead to traffic congestion. The festival
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
will cause traffic jams and disturb residents' routine daily life
as well
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
native resources will
be redistributed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
, which will result in higher prices or shortage for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents.

In addition
, increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries may lead to 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities.
For example
, with the increasing night
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
in bars, substance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
 and crime rate may surge up in the regions.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
will
be influenced
by the novel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
brought by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
, which may lead to their personal valves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
as well
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
,
especially
the youth, might pick up harmful habits from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
, such as substance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
or smoking.

In summary, tourism will contribute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
economy;
however
, it
also
disturbs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents' traditional daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Without strict guiding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
, they
also
create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
potential illegal issues when they enjoy their happy hours.  
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should provide safety instruction for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
and assist tourism
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to establish the right agenda for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
to follow.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Tourism is becoming increasingly important as a source of revenue to many countries, but its disadvantages should not be overlooked. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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