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Some people believe that time spent on television, video and computer games can be beneficial to children. Others believe this has negative effects on a child. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.4

Some people believe that time spent on television, video and computer games can be beneficial to children. Others believe this has negative effects on a child. v. 4
Children today spend hours watching television and playing computer and video games. They spend pace over gadgets and find it more entertaining. In my opinion, there are both negative and positive effects of technology in the growth of children. I strongly believe that, there are several benefits in this, as digital life is becoming friendlier to them, but they are reducing the physical activities which are not considered as a healthy style of living. Firstly, the duration spent on video screens, video and computer games can be beneficial to children is often believed by some people. The need to know the usage of computers is required as a part of development because, the world is moving quickly toward maximum implementation of technology in every field. The season spent on watching television and playing games helps children to get closer to assess the requirement of the today’s market. Therefore, it can be considered that they are utilizing their time to become beneficial to the society. Secondly, there are also some disadvantages of spending time on the gadget, as children are slowly losing interest in outdoor games and physical activities. I believe this is causing a negative impact on the growth and development of children due to the UV radiations they get interacted with and more time in seclusion. There are more cases of lack in immunity among children as they are not exposed to the natural environment, making them weak. Thus, spending time watching television and playing games on the computer is not the complete solution for the recreation among growing children. Lastly, in my opinion, there are benefits in spending time of leisure with technology as well as there are disadvantages. It should be maintained in a healthy balance in order to keep in track with the need of need of the generation as well as from the point of the healthy living. Therefore, to conclude, I can state that understanding the requirement schedule should be prepared to spend quality.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
spend hours watching television and playing computer and video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. They spend pace over gadgets and find it more entertaining. In my opinion, there are both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of technology in the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I
strongly
believe that, there are several benefits in this, as digital life is becoming friendlier to them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are reducing the physical activities which are not considered as a healthy style of living.

Firstly
, the duration spent on video screens, video and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. The need to know the usage of computers
is required
as a part of development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the world is moving
quickly
toward maximum implementation of technology in every field. The season spent on watching television and playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
closer to assess the requirement of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s market.
Therefore
, it can
be considered
that they are utilizing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to become beneficial to the society.

Secondly
, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the gadget, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
slowly
losing interest in outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and physical activities. I believe this is causing a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the growth and development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
due to the UV radiations they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
interacted with and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in seclusion. There are more cases of lack in immunity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as they are not exposed to the natural environment, making them weak.
Thus
, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching television and playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on the computer is not the complete solution for the recreation among growing children.

Lastly
, in my opinion, there are benefits in spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of leisure with technology
as well
as there are disadvantages. It should
be maintained
in a healthy balance in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
with the
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "need of".
need of need of
the generation
as well
as from the point of the healthy living.
Therefore
,
to conclude
, I can state that understanding the requirement schedule should
be prepared
to spend quality.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that time spent on television, video and computer games can be beneficial to children. Others believe this has negative effects on a child. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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