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Tourism is an ever growing industry. What benefits do you think tourism brings to individuals and society? v.7

Tourism is an ever growing industry. What benefits do you think tourism brings to individuals and society? v. 7
It is an undeniable truth that, tourism is very popular nowadays. There are certain obvious advantages brought to the people and society, by this increase in travelling. In this essay, I would like to highlight a few of them. Firstly, if we consider the impact of travelling on people, we would realize that, it is nothing but a collaboration between tourists and local people, whereby, both are equally benefited. For example, when an increasing number of people visit a place, they get to know about its beauty and value. This not only soothes their souls, but fulfils their desire of seeing the nature too. This can be further explained by listening to the reviews of tourists who visit the breathtaking islands of Indonesia and Thailand. Their amusement describes the relaxation which they fell by travelling these spots. On the other hand, the local residents get the chance of hospitality when others come to visit their towns and cities. Moreover, they also share the benefits of various resources which the government develops for the tourists like, hotels, roads and shopping malls. Secondly, if we talk about the positive effect of travellers of the society, we would observe that, many countries have gained fame worldwide, due to their tourist resorts. For instance, Pakistan and Sri Lanka, are two of those countries which were known to the world as terrorist countries. However, after promoting tourism and advancing their travel industry, people now realize them as beautiful and peaceful places. This change in the thinking, has been brought by tourists and has helped these underdeveloped countries to grow and clear the misconceptions of the world. To conclude, by the tremendous build up in the travel business, people not only get the privilege of witnessing the nature's beauty, but the natives get benefit from the local progress in facilities too. Similarly, tourism spreads the message of peace around the globe, which helps different countries to prosper and progress, thus leaving a positive impact on the society as well.
It is an undeniable truth that, tourism is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular nowadays. There are certain obvious advantages brought to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and society, by this increase in travelling. In this essay, I would like to highlight a few of them.

Firstly
, if we consider the impact of travelling on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, we would realize that, it is nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a collaboration between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
and local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, whereby, both are
equally
benefited.
For example
, when an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visit a place, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know about its beauty and value. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
soothes their souls,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Possible spelling mistake found.
fulfils
their desire of seeing the nature too. This can be
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by listening to the reviews of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
who visit the breathtaking islands of Indonesia and Thailand. Their amusement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
the relaxation which they fell by travelling these spots.
On the other hand
, the local residents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the chance of hospitality when others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to visit their towns and cities.
Moreover
, they
also
share the benefits of various resources which the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
develops for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
like, hotels, roads and shopping malls.

Secondly
, if we talk about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect of
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
of the society, we would observe that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have gained fame worldwide, due to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
resorts.
For instance
, Pakistan and Sri Lanka, are two of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which
were known
to the world as terrorist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
However
, after promoting tourism and advancing their travel industry,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
realize them as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and peaceful places. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the thinking, has
been brought
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
and has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
these underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to grow and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
the misconceptions of the world.

To conclude
, by the tremendous build up in the travel business,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the privilege of witnessing the nature's beauty,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the natives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefit from the local progress in facilities too.
Similarly
, tourism spreads the message of peace around the globe, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to prosper and progress,
thus
leaving a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the society
as well
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Tourism is an ever growing industry. What benefits do you think tourism brings to individuals and society? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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