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Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue with their work. To what extent do you agree? v.11

Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue with their work. v. 11
It is known that art occupies an important place in ancient and modern societies. However, The incomes of such a job are very low and artists often are unable to continue their work without additional financial resources such as government funding. In my opinion, I believe that it is very essential to support artistic projects in order to benefit from its proven impact on nations. Although artistic output used to be highly valued by most of people in the past, it cannot be denied that it is not viewed the same nowadays. Thus, this issue has resulted in a significant decrease in artist salaries which impacted their projects. In addition, this kind of jobs needs money to continue as they usually need a long period to finish. For instance a theatre play can take almost a year to be ready, over this period they will be a significant amount of expenses to cover such as artistic salaries, decor costume and others. Furthermore, It has been proven that art helps in solving many social problems as it is easier and smoother to pass a message to people via an artistic performance comparing to lectures or direct talks, such as the initiative of introducing street performance to explain some current issue to people in rural areas in simple language. Therefore, government should encourage artists to be creative by funding their work witch could highly contribute to artistic output providing better performance. In conclusion, it is very essential for government to draw more attention to art by granting that people will not abandon this profession due to its low salaries. Art is very valuable and I believe that it worth to invest in such matters.
It
is known
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
occupies an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
place in ancient and modern societies.
However
, The incomes of such a job are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low and artists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
are unable to continue their work without additional financial resources such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
funding. In my opinion, I believe that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artistic
projects in order to benefit from its proven impact on nations.

Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artistic
output
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be
highly
valued by most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the past, it cannot
be denied
that it is not viewed the same nowadays.
Thus
, this issue has resulted in a significant decrease in artist salaries which impacted their projects.
In addition
, this kind of jobs needs money to continue as they
usually
need a long period to finish.
For instance
a
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
play can take almost a year to be ready, over this period they will be a significant amount of expenses to cover such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artistic
salaries, decor costume
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
.

Furthermore
, It has
been proven
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in solving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social problems as it is easier and smoother to pass a message to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
via an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artistic
performance comparing to lectures or direct talks, such as the initiative of introducing street performance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
issue to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in rural areas in simple language.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should encourage artists to be creative by funding their work witch could
highly
contribute to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artistic
output providing better performance.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to draw more attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
by granting that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not abandon this profession due to its low salaries.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
valuable and I believe that
Did you mean "is" or "it is"?
it
worth to invest in such matters.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue with their work. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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