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Topic: The society should benefit from a ban on all forms of advertising because it serve no useful purpose, and can be even damaging. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Topic: The society should benefit from a ban on all forms of advertising because it serve no useful purpose, and can be even damaging. v. 1
In these days, It is widely believed that advertising should be forbidden because of its negative effects. From my perspective, advertising still plays an integral role in community especially commercial industry. On the one hand, the prevalence of advertising can results in several drawbacks. The first explanation is that the quality of advertised products are not guaranteed. To illustrate, companies spend considerable expenditures on advertising to build brand identity. Therefore, substandard materials are used in manufactures to make profits. As a result, after purchasing and experiencing the advertised products, they will fail to meet customers' expectations because of short shelf life. Moreover, advertising greatly encourage impulse of buying. Due to the diversity of advertising and some compelling marketing strategies, it can mislead the customer about the chance to get a bargain. For this reason, it leads to excessive and uncontrolled buying habits. On the other hand, there are some positive sides resulting from advertising industry. Firstly, advertising can boost sale and profit for companies. For example, thanks to the advancement of advertising and social media, customers can have much more access to update the newly-launched products. Hence, companies easily reach their target customer and increase market share. Secondly, the development of all form of advertising can pave the way for massive job opportunities nowadays such as digital marketing and market analysis. Particularly, employees can earn high salary and rewarding perk, helping them to make living. In conclusion, in my opinion, although advertising can bring some downsides for community, it also has some positive effect on some aspects.
In these days, It is
widely
believed that advertising should
be forbidden
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. From my perspective, advertising
still
plays an integral role in community
especially
commercial industry.

On the one hand, the prevalence of advertising can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "result"
results
in several drawbacks. The
first
explanation is that the quality of advertised products are not guaranteed. To illustrate,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
spend considerable expenditures on advertising to build brand identity.
Therefore
, substandard materials are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in manufactures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
profits.
As a result
, after purchasing and experiencing the advertised products, they will fail to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
Possible spelling mistake found.
customers&
#039; expectations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of short shelf life.
Moreover
, advertising
greatly
encourage impulse of buying. Due to the diversity of advertising and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
compelling marketing strategies, it can mislead the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
about the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a bargain.
For this reason
, it leads to excessive and uncontrolled buying habits.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides resulting from advertising industry.
Firstly
, advertising can boost sale and profit for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
For example
, thanks to the advancement of advertising and social media,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
can have much more access to update the
newly
-launched products.
Hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
easily
reach their target
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
and increase market share.
Secondly
, the development of all form of advertising can pave the way for massive job opportunities nowadays such as digital marketing and market analysis.
Particularly
, employees can

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
earn
high salary and rewarding perk, helping them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
living.

In conclusion
, in my opinion, although advertising can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
downsides for community, it
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Topic: The society should benefit from a ban on all forms of advertising because it serve no useful purpose, and can be even damaging. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
257 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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