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If you were the president of the United State, which of the following would you choose to do, and explain why. 1) build more schools, 2) provide more funding for public transportation3) create more public parks. v.2

If you were the president of the United State, which of the following would you choose to do, and explain why. 1) build more schools, 2) provide more funding for public transportation3) create more public parks. v. 2
Nowadays, education is considered to be essential elements in people’s lives. Most countries tend to improve their education system in order to get many benefits. Personally, If I were a president of the United States, I would build more schools in the country. To begin with, building more schools will help many citizens to get educated. Today, there are lack of schools in the United States because of the high demand on schools especially after the government opened the gate for refuge and migrant to sattle in the country. These people need to educate their kids in American schools, so this will force the country to build more schools in order to meet the high demand. For example, I met last year with a Syrian person who entered the United State in 2017. He was complaining about acceptance process in elementary schools. Most schools have limited number of students to accept; they only accept ninety students in fourth grade. However, students who applied in the same school exceeded the 400. Therefore, he can not find spot in the school to his daughter. Apparently. If the presidents of the United States built more schools for people, this would solve the problem for the Syrian guy. Adding to the previous point, building more schools will help the country to flourish their economic revenues. The high tuition fees at many universities will generate a lot of money to the country. Currently, many students come to the United State in order to continue their education. Therefore, they tend to pay high fees to get their degrees. My own experience is a compelling example of this. When I came to the United State, Paid fifty thousand dollars for the first year at University of San Diego in Pharmacy program. Thus, imagine that the amount of students that come to the United States and pay the same amount. Obviously, the country will generate billion of dollar by building many schools and take high fees. In conclusion, I encourage most presidents to take care of their educational system through building many schools. This is because it will open many spots for students, and it will help the country to increase their revenue.
Nowadays, education
is considered
to be essential elements in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their education system in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits.
Personally
, If I were a president of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
States
, I would build more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in the country.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
citizens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
educated.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, there are lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
States
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
demand on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
especially
after the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
opened the gate for refuge and migrant to
Possible spelling mistake found.
sattle
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need to educate their kids in American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this will force the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to build more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
demand.
For example
, I met last year with a Syrian person who entered the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
State
in 2017. He was complaining about acceptance process in elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have limited number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to accept; they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
accept ninety
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in fourth grade.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who applied in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
exceeded the 400.
Therefore
, he can not find spot in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to his daughter.
Apparently
. If the presidents of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
States
built more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, this would solve the problem for the Syrian guy.

Adding to the previous point,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to flourish their economic revenues. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
tuition fees at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
universities will generate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Currently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
State
in order to continue their education.
Therefore
, they tend to pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
fees to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their degrees. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience is a compelling example of this. When I came to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
State
, Paid fifty thousand dollars for the
first
year at University of San Diego in Pharmacy program.
Thus
, imagine that the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
States
and pay the same amount.
Obviously
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will generate
Use "a billion" or use a number before 'billion'.
billion
of dollar by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
fees.

In conclusion
, I encourage most presidents to take care of their educational system through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will open
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
spots for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to increase their revenue.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
50Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay If you were the president of the United State, which of the following would you choose to do, and explain why. 1) build more schools, 2) provide more funding for public transportation3) create more public parks. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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