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The best way to ensure the growth of children is to make parents take parenting courses. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

The best way to ensure the growth of children is to make parents take parenting courses. v. 1
In recent years, parenting classes have become popular as these classes help parents to some extent to bring up their children. Therefore, some people argue that to ensure the entire development of their children, new parents should attend parenting classes. Personally, I do completely disagree with this view. There are several reasons why parenting courses benefit for new parents. First of all, these courses equip a various range of parenting skills such as child psychology, basic medical training and sort of other skills that allow new parents to protect their children from server diseases stem from carelessness of parents and also parenting skills shortage. Besides that, attending parent courses are not only to have a better understanding of the child via valuable skills, but also places parents and children can join in family activities, which make a great contribution to reinforce the family bond between fathers, mothers and their children. As a result, these children are living in safety and love from their own exemplary parents. On the other hand, it is impossible to force all parents attend to parenting courses because of practical reasons. Firstly, many parents need to spend more time making a meeting, that lead to a fact that they do not able to manage to join in the classes. Furthermore, there are still many parents who are living under the poverty cannot afford to pay tuition fee at parenting classes, though they have an awareness of the benefits of these classes. Therefore, instead of attending to parent classes, they tend to ask their parents and relatives for help in taking care of children. In conclusion, although both views have certainly some validity, it seems to that it is better to not force all new parents attend parenting courses. Alternatively, asking advices from life long experience people in family is easier and more suitable to ensure the growth of the children.
In recent years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
have become popular as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent to bring up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that to ensure the entire development of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
.
Personally
, I do completely disagree with this view.

There are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
benefit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
equip a various range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as child psychology, basic medical training and sort of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to protect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from server diseases stem from carelessness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
shortage.
Besides
that, attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to have a better understanding of the child via valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
places
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in family activities, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a great contribution to reinforce the family bond between fathers, mothers and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
As a result
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are living in safety and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
exemplary parents.

On the other hand
, it is impossible to force all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
attend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of practical reasons.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to spend more time making a meeting, that lead to a fact that they do not able to manage to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
.
Furthermore
, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who are living under the poverty cannot afford to pay tuition fee at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
, though they have an awareness of the benefits of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
.
Therefore
,
instead
of attending to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
, they tend to ask their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and relatives for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in taking care of children.

In conclusion
, although both views have
certainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
validity, it seems to that it is better to not force all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
.
Alternatively
, asking advices from life long experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in family is easier and more suitable to ensure the growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay The best way to ensure the growth of children is to make parents take parenting courses. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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