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Some say that sports play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some say that sports play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. v. 2
Sports are very associated to entertenment, and in addition, is relevant to general health and well-being. Some can see sport as a hobby or leisure, although it can be a career plan for many. On my point of view, I considerate sport as a way to connect people and transform bad behaviours into good life-style. In this essay, it will be discussed both opinions. Firstly, there are many benefits in doing sport, for example, improvement of health, self estime, and body disposition. Also, it can increase the quality of spleep and work. It is important to cite that exercise practice make people more happy, and due to this fact, the chances to have a good social relationship is higher, as the chance to meet and reunite more friends. Sport is a part of our culture, and it has a universal language, so everybody can understand a game just listening or seeing by tv or radio. Many wants to follow a professional career, besides the huge pre-concept inside our society. It is clear that a small number of people acctually achieve their goal in become a professional soccer or tennis player, for example. But, this fact cannot be a excuse to considerate it a leisure activity. Parents usually incentivate children to play their favorite sport, and in contrast, they want them to follow a academic jorney going to university. Secondly, it is normal to see people refering sport as a easy way to gain money without study and work hard, and it reforce a wrong idea of sport as a not serious field. In conclusion, sport is a important part of our world culture, and we can see this practice since thousands of years. However, it needs to break some concepts and barries. Also, government funding should be more focus on sport iniciatives and competition, especially for population with lowest levels of education and progress.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
associated to
Possible spelling mistake found.
entertenment
, and
in addition
, is relevant to general health and well-being.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
as a hobby or leisure, although it can be a career plan for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
. On my point of view, I considerate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
as a way to connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and transform
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
life-style. In this essay, it will
be discussed
both opinions.

Firstly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits in doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
,
for example
, improvement of health, self
Possible spelling mistake found.
estime
, and body disposition.
Also
, it can increase the quality of
Possible spelling mistake found.
spleep
and work. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to cite that exercise practice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more happy, and due to this fact, the chances to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
social relationship is higher, as the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and reunite more friends.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
is a part of our culture, and it has a universal language,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
everybody can understand a game
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
listening or seeing by
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
or radio.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
wants to follow a professional career,
besides
the huge
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-concept
inside our society. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
acctually
achieve their goal in become a professional soccer or tennis player,
for example
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, this fact cannot be
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
excuse to considerate
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
a leisure activity. Parents
usually
Possible spelling mistake found.
incentivate
children to play their favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, and
in contrast
, they want them to follow
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
academic
Possible spelling mistake found.
jorney
going to university.
Secondly
, it is normal to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
refering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
as
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
easy way to gain money without study and work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, and it
Possible spelling mistake found.
reforce
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
as a not serious field.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of our world culture, and we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this practice since thousands of years.
However
, it needs to break
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
concepts and
Possible spelling mistake found.
barries
.
Also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
funding should be more focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
Possible spelling mistake found.
iniciatives
and competition,
especially
for population with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
levels of education and progress.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some say that sports play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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