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Should experiments be conducted on animals for the benefits of human beings? Give reasons for our answer and include any relevant examples from you own knowledge or experience. v.2

Should experiments be conducted on animals for the benefits of human beings? Give reasons for our answer and include any relevant examples from you own knowledge or experience. v. 2
Over the past decades, it is pretty common that the scientists use the experiment on animals to serve the purpose of human being’s development, especially to develop a new vaccine or a medicine. Some people protest this this kind of test on animals, but for me, I am convinced that it is really necessary for the benefits of human beings. Firstly, it is easy to see that this progress will reduce a lot of fatal risks for human by doing trials on animals first. For example, Apollo has also tried to send a dog into space before they have officially dispatched human. If they did not do this and there were some technical issues which were not detected in advance during the voyage with a human in his first trip into space. His life would be in danger. Furthermore, it would be effective in term of cost and time for the test on animals. As we know, some animals are very popular for experiments such as white mouse an dog. And they are not so expensive for the repeated trials. The supply of these animal is also available anytime accordingly to demand of the scientists. Although, there are actually some experiments which may require the specific subjects to test such as monkey or horse. These kinds of special requirements would be more costly. In conclusion, even though there are some people are not happy with the conduction of experiment on animals. I still support this method since, personally I think that it is for the benefits and development of human beings.
Over the past decades, it is pretty common that the scientists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiment
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to serve the purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being’s development,
especially
to develop a new vaccine or a medicine.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
protest
Possible typo: you repeated a word
this this
kind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for me, I
am convinced
that it is
really
necessary for the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings.

Firstly
, it is easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that this progress will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
fatal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
by doing trials on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
first
.
For example
, Apollo has
also
tried to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
a dog into space
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they have
officially
dispatched
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
. If they did not do this and there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
technical issues which were not detected in advance during the voyage with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
in his
first
trip into space. His life would be in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.

Furthermore
, it would be effective in term of cost and time for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. As we know,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiments
such as white mouse
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
dog. And they are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
expensive for the repeated trials. The supply of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
is
also
available anytime
accordingly
to demand of the scientists. Although, there are actually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiments
which may require the specific subjects to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
such as monkey or horse. These kinds of special requirements would be more costly.

In conclusion
,
even though
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not happy with the conduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiment
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. I
still
support this method since,
personally
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is for the benefits and development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Should experiments be conducted on animals for the benefits of human beings? Give reasons for our answer and include any relevant examples from you own knowledge or experience. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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