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TOPIC: Some people argue that the purpose of zoos is only to entertain people. What do you think? What other purposes of zoos? v.1

TOPIC: Some people argue that the purpose of zoos is only to entertain people. What do you think? What other purposes of zoos? v. 1
It is true that online courses are becoming a common feature of university education. Although there are some drawbacks of Internet-based learning, I would argue that there are far more benefits. The main drawback of the trend towards online university courses is that there is less direct interaction. Students may not have the opportunity to engage face-to-face with their teachers, and will instead have to rely on written forms of communication. Similarly, students who study online do not come into direct contact with each other, and this could have a negative impact on peer support, discussion and exchange of ideas. For example, whereas students in traditional courses can attend seminars and even discuss their subjects over coffee after lessons, online learners are restricted to chatting through website forum areas. These learners may also lack the motivation and the element of competition that face-to-face group work brings. Despite the negatives mentioned above, I believe that online university courses are a positive development for various reasons. Firstly, they allow learners to study in a flexible way, meaning that they can work whenever and wherever is convenient, and they can cover the material at their own pace. Secondly, the cost of a university education can be greatly reduced, while revenues for institutions may increase as more students can be taught. Finally, online learning offers open access to anybody who is willing to study, regardless of age, location, ability and background. For example, my uncle, who is 65 years old, has recently enrolled on an online MBA course in a different country, which would have been impossible in the days before Internet-based education. In conclusion, while I recognise the possible disadvantages of online learning, I consider it to be a positive development overall.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are becoming a common feature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of Internet-based learning, I would argue that there are far more benefits.

The main drawback of the trend towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
is that there is less direct interaction.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
may not have the opportunity to engage face-to-face with their teachers, and will
instead
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
rely on written forms of communication.
Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into direct contact with each other, and this could have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on peer support, discussion and exchange of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
For example
, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
can attend seminars and even discuss their subjects over coffee after lessons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
learners
are restricted
to chatting through website forum areas. These learners may
also
lack the motivation and the element of competition that face-to-face group work brings.

Despite the negatives mentioned above, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development for various reasons.
Firstly
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
learners to study
Consider replacing "in a flexible way" with the adverb for "flexible"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a flexible way
, meaning that they can work whenever and wherever is convenient, and they can cover the material at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pace.
Secondly
, the cost of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education can be
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
, while revenues for institutions may increase as more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
be taught
.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
learning offers open access to anybody who is willing to study, regardless of age, location, ability and background.
For example
, my uncle, who is 65 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, has recently enrolled on an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
MBA
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
country, which would have been impossible in the days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
Internet-based education.

In conclusion
, while I
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
the possible disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
learning, I consider it to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development
overall
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay TOPIC: Some people argue that the purpose of zoos is only to entertain people. What do you think? What other purposes of zoos? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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