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TOPIC: Some people argue that the purpose of zoos is only to entertain people. What do you think? What other purposes of zoos? v.2

TOPIC: Some people argue that the purpose of zoos is only to entertain people. What do you think? What other purposes of zoos? v. 2
Zoo is a place where people can find a variety of different species. Some people reckon that the only aim of zoo in entertain people. But from my point of view, I don’t absolutely agree with this opinion and I believe that zoos also have another aims. First of all, I can’t deny that entertain is one of the most important purposes of zoos. Zoos have beautiful scenery like a mini world of animals and plants. We can find a wide range of species from all parts of the Earth in zoos. In Ho Chi Minh city, Thao Cam Vien which also called Sai Gon Zoo and Botanical Garden has pure air, nice view and plentiful of animals especially endangered species. This is a good way people who want to spend time with family and friends at the weekend. Second, zoo is a place where animals could be taken care carefully and could be saved from being killed by hunters. Animals in zoo are look after by experienced staff. Animals are fed on time and checked health periodically. Besides, zoos is a good environment for scientist research animal behavior and find the way to protect endangered species from extinct. Furthermore, zoo is the best place to educate children about wildlife. For instance, children can be more excited with their biology lesson when they can see by eyes and get knowledge from their own experiments in the zoo. It also a good way to raise their awareness of protecting animals. In short, zoos not only play a key role in the entertainment of the society but also in education, in scientific research and in species conservation. That is the reason why government should maintain and develop the quality of the zoos.
Zoo is a place where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can find a variety of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
species.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reckon that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
aim of zoo in entertain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
from my point of view, I don’t
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion and I believe that zoos
also
have another aims.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I can’t deny that entertain is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
purposes of zoos. Zoos have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
scenery like a mini world of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and plants. We can find a wide range of species from all parts of the Earth in zoos. In
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Ho Chi Minh city
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Thao
Cam
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vien
which
also
called
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sai
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gon
Zoo and Botanical Garden has pure air, nice view and plentiful of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
especially
endangered species. This is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who want to spend time with family and friends
The phrase 'at the weekend' is a British English expression, which is used the same way as "on the weekend" in American English.
at the weekend
.

Second, zoo is a place where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
could
be taken
care
carefully
and could
be saved
from
being killed
by hunters.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Animals
in zoo are look after by experienced staff.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Animals
are fed
on time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checked
health
periodically
.
Besides
, zoos is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
environment for scientist research
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
behavior and find the way to protect endangered species from extinct.

Furthermore
, zoo is the best place to educate children about wildlife.
For instance
, children can be more excited with their biology lesson when they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
by eyes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experiments in the zoo. It
also
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to raise their awareness of protecting animals.

In short, zoos not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
play a key role in the entertainment of the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in education, in scientific research and in species conservation.
That is
the reason why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should maintain and develop the quality of the zoos.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay TOPIC: Some people argue that the purpose of zoos is only to entertain people. What do you think? What other purposes of zoos? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
290 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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