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Topic: Nowadays, celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development? v.1

Topic: Nowadays, celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1
Since many centuries, politicians enjoyed a great reputation and godlike status in the society. However, in recent years, the trend seems to lean towards celebrities as they are earning significantly higher than the other. In this essay, I shall look into the reasons behind this and provide my point of view with examples as required. To begin with, it is a fact that the role of a celebrity in influencing people for good is far higher than anyone else. For example, listening to music is a way of life for millions of people, and therefore, popular musicians who win their fans possess tremendous influential power. They speak the language of pain and emotions related to the society, and therefore, people value them more than anyone else. Because of this perceived value, they make huge money. On the other hand, congressmen, who work very hard for the betterment of mankind, seem to earn less than superstars. One possible reason for this could be due to the fact that the effort done by them gets un-noticed in many instances. For Instance, in Singapore, it is mandatory for public servants to only receive pay from the government and are prohibited to earn from any other sources during their time as people's representative. In conclusion, by analysing both sides of the given development, it is clearly certain that the positives outweigh the negatives as they are not the business of serving people, not making money. Henceforth, celebrities earning more revenue than their counterparts is completely justified.
Since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
centuries, politicians enjoyed a great reputation and godlike status in the society.
However
, in recent years, the trend seems to lean towards celebrities as they are earning
significantly
higher than the other. In this essay, I shall look into the reasons behind this and provide my point of view with examples as required.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is a fact that the role of a celebrity in influencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
is far higher than anyone else.
For example
, listening to music is a way of life for millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and
therefore
, popular musicians who win their fans possess tremendous influential power. They speak the language of pain and emotions related to the society, and
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
value them more than anyone else.
Because of this
perceived value, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
huge money.

On the other hand
, congressmen, who work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for the betterment of mankind, seem to earn less than superstars. One possible reason for this could be due to the fact that the effort done by them
Possible spelling mistake found.
gets un-noticed
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
instances.
For Instance
, in Singapore, it is mandatory for public servants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
receive pay from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
are prohibited
to earn from any other sources during their time as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's representative.

In conclusion
, by
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
both sides of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
development, it is
clearly
certain that the positives outweigh the negatives as they are not the business of serving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, not making money. Henceforth, celebrities earning more revenue than their counterparts is completely justified.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Topic: Nowadays, celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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