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In schools and universities, girls tend to choose art while boys like science. What are the reasons for this tendency and do you think this tendency should be changed? v.2

In schools and universities, girls tend to choose art while boys like science. What are the reasons for this tendency and do you think this tendency should be changed? v. 2
It is believed that female students prefer to learn art subjects while a lot of male students pursue the courses which relate to science in education. This essay will discuss about why does it have different options between girls and boys. To begin with, there are a variety of reasons for what school boys and girls choose to learn arts or science subjects. First and foremost, this trend depends on the interests and characters of women and men. For instance, girls are likely to love things which are beautiful and romantic while boys are good at rational and logical thinking in science. This leads the different hobby in kind of courses which each gender likes to study. The second reason is intention of their parent' s students for them in the future. For example, female students are usually tended to have jobs which do not require more physical, whereas the families of male students think that they need a stable career and science is a good option for these children. However, I strongly oppose to this opinion. I suppose that students have the right to choose the subjects which they interested in without depending on gender. The fact proves that girl students have ability to study the science courses such as math, biology and so on. In addition, boy students may be better than girl ones at drawing a picture or singing a song. Learning in right fields which are suitable for students will make them develop their abilities by the best way. To provide a better education system for children, the schools and universities should not to force them to study in departments which they are not interested in. In conclusion, although females often want to study arts and males will be able to like learning science more, both boys and girls should have equal right to take their options about subjects in schools and universities.
It
is believed
that female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
prefer to learn art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
pursue the courses which relate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
in education. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss why"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about why
does it have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
options between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
and boys.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are a variety of reasons for what school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
choose to learn arts or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
First
and foremost, this trend depends on the interests and characters of women and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
things which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and romantic while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at rational and logical thinking in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
. This leads the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
hobby in kind of courses which each gender likes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. The second reason is intention of their
Possible spelling mistake found.
parent&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for them in the future.
For example
, female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
usually
tended to have jobs which do not require more physical, whereas the families of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they need a stable career and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
option for these children.

However
, I
strongly
oppose to this opinion. I suppose that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have the right to choose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which they interested in without depending on gender. The fact proves that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girl
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
courses such as math, biology and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may be better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girl
ones at drawing a picture or singing a song. Learning in right fields which are suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them develop their abilities by the best way. To provide a better education system for children, the schools and universities should not to force them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in departments which they are not interested in.

In conclusion
, although females
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
arts and males will be able to like learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
more, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
should have equal right to take their options about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in schools and universities.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In schools and universities, girls tend to choose art while boys like science. What are the reasons for this tendency and do you think this tendency should be changed? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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