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TOPIC An increasing number of professionals such as doctors and teachers are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries What problems does this cause What solutions can you suggest to deal with situation v.2

TOPIC An increasing number of professionals such as doctors and teachers are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries What problems does this cause What solutions can you suggest to deal with situation v. 2
Many undeveloped countries throughout the world are facing the burning issue on brain drain. White collars have tendency to move to developed countries in the hope of better employment prospect. This essay will discuss several causes and suggest some solutions to tackle this problem. There are different reasons to explain this issue. The first and foremost is lack of vocational opportunity. The increasing number of students with educational qualifications places strain on overcrowding job market in poor countries, which makes job-searching much more difficult than ever before Another contributing factor fostering this trend is salary. Although engineering or teaching is regarded as well-paid careers, the income is seemingly unable to meet their expectation based on their dedication and effort. Finally, working background also plays a role in intellectual people’s choice. Unprofessional and restricting environment poses handicaps to promote employees’ ability optimally, which results in disappointment. For these reasons, intelligentsias make up their mind to leave their native land. Followed these above causes, measures to attract talents are presented as below. To begin with, the labor market needs to be expanded for the purpose of creating opportunities for unemployed people. Furthermore, in addition to appropriate level of salary, extra pay or job promotion is also an eligible method to keep worker on their toes. Last but not least, it is also important to construct a professional working environment which gave the talented and skillful employees the chances to develop their maximum capability. In conclusion, it is clear that there are obvious reasons for brain capital flight in developing countries. However, I take the view that if steps are implemented efficiently, we are absolutely able to take a positive look on a brighter future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
undeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
throughout the world are facing the burning issue on brain drain. White collars have tendency to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the hope of better employment prospect. This essay will discuss several causes and suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to tackle this problem.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this issue. The
first
and foremost is lack of vocational opportunity. The increasing number of students with educational qualifications places strain on overcrowding job market in poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
job-searching much more difficult than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
Another contributing factor fostering this trend is salary. Although engineering or teaching
is regarded
as well
-paid careers, the income is
seemingly
unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their expectation based on their dedication and effort.
Finally
, working background
also
plays a role in intellectual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s choice. Unprofessional and restricting environment poses handicaps to promote employees’ ability
optimally
, which results in disappointment. For these reasons,
Possible spelling mistake found.
intelligentsias
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up their mind to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their native land.

Followed these above causes, measures to attract talents
are presented
as below. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the labor market needs to
be expanded
for the purpose of creating opportunities for unemployed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Furthermore
,
in addition
to appropriate level of salary, extra pay or job promotion is
also
an eligible method to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
worker on their toes. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, it is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to construct a professional working environment which gave the talented and skillful employees the chances to develop their maximum capability.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that there are obvious reasons for brain capital flight in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
However
, I take the view that if steps
are implemented
efficiently
, we are
absolutely
able to take a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
look on a brighter future.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay TOPIC An increasing number of professionals such as doctors and teachers are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries What problems does this cause What solutions can you suggest to deal with situation v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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