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People work because they need money to live. What are some other reasons that people work? Discuss one or more of these reasons. Use specific examples and details to support your answer. v.1

People work because they need money to live. What are some other reasons that people work? Discuss one or more of these reasons. Use specific examples and details to support your answer. v. 1
Space exploration has remained one of the greatest achievements of mankind. The notion that space missions should be reduced, because there are more dilemmas on our planet that need urgent attention, is becoming increasingly popular. In my opinion, I totally agree that the exploration of space should take a back seat and the funds poured into it should be used for the development and sustainability of the earth. First and foremost, there is no doubt that space projects are a huge investment, but sadly they do not generate revenue, neither do they impact human lives. They only satisfy the curiosity of man to know and experience the galaxies around him. There are capital intensive projects that can use these funds instead, which in the long run will benefit most of humanity, such as povery eradication and provision of portable drinking water. Furthermore, these resources can be channeled into helping resource- poor countries. For example, NASA, published in 2019, that it spent about 15 billion US dollars on space projects in the past year alone. On the other hand, the Cleveland clinic, also published in 2019, that it would need about 5 billion dollars to provide free medical care to all Americans in 2019. This shows that the money spent on trips to space can be used to better the day to day lives of people, hence it should be curbed. Secondly, a lot of resources are poured into these missions. Apart from the technology and infrastructure, there is also the issue of manpower such as engineers and doctors. These people who are most likely to be at the top of their respective fields, are recruited for these projects, shifting their attention  away from more significant issues affecting mankind. In addition, it leaves room for gaps in learning and innovation in those fields. For instance, the Harvard Research Institute, released a survey it carried out in 2018, which showed that 70% of its scientists knew one or two people that could give them headway in their current research works but are currently doing space activities. In conclusion, the topic of whether or not missions to outerspace should be reduced due to high cost remains controversial. I strongly agree with the school of though that these activities should be restricted and the funds channeled to solve  the major obstacles the planet is currently facing like poverty and food shortages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Space
exploration has remained one of the greatest achievements of mankind. The notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
missions should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are more dilemmas on our planet that need urgent attention, is becoming
increasingly
popular. In my opinion, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the exploration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
should take a back seat and the funds poured into it should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the development and sustainability of the earth.

First
and foremost, there is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
are a huge investment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
sadly
they do not generate revenue, neither do they impact human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
satisfy the curiosity of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
to know and experience
Consider using "the surrounding galaxies".
the galaxies around him
. There are capital intensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these funds
instead
, which in the long run will benefit
Consider using "most humanity" or "most of the humanity".
most of humanity
, such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
povery
eradication and provision of portable drinking water.
Furthermore
, these resources can
be channeled
into helping resource- poor countries.
For example
, NASA, published in 2019, that it spent about 15 billion US dollars on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
in the past year alone.
On the other hand
, the Cleveland clinic,
also
published in 2019, that it would need about 5 billion dollars to provide free medical care to all Americans in 2019. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the money spent on trips to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to better the
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
hence
it should
be curbed
.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
resources
are poured
into these missions. Apart from the technology and infrastructure, there is
also
the issue of manpower such as engineers and doctors. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are most likely to be at the top of their respective fields,
are recruited
for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
, shifting their attention
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
away from more significant issues affecting mankind.
In addition
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
room for gaps in learning and innovation in those fields.
For instance
, the Harvard Research Institute, released a survey it carried out in 2018, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 70% of its scientists knew one or two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that could give them headway in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
research works
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are
currently
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
activities.

In conclusion
, the topic of
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
missions to
Possible spelling mistake found.
outerspace
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
due to high cost remains controversial. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the school of though that these activities should
be restricted
and the funds channeled to solve
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
the major obstacles the planet is
currently
facing like poverty and food shortages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay People work because they need money to live. What are some other reasons that people work? Discuss one or more of these reasons. Use specific examples and details to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
397 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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